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Give me a patio, and a cold beverage and I'm set. And make sure you give me about 10 lbs. of allergy medication too, because the pollen is so thick in the air, I think I could cut it with a knife.
Day
April 10, 2013
day drinking.
Give me a patio, and a cold beverage and I'm set. And make sure you give me about 10 lbs. of allergy medication too, because the pollen is so thick in the air, I think I could cut it with a knife.
Day
First Timers
For lack of feeling up for coming up with a brilliant blog post I thought I'd follow the lovely Carolyn over at Life, Love and Puppy Prints' lead by answering this survey of FIRSTS! [Thanks for the inspiration Carolyn!]
FIRSTS!
FIRST thing I do in the morning //
I hit snooze, and or request that my cat get off my hip so I can get out of bed.
FIRST thing I do when I get home from work //
Nine times out of ten, it's strip off my work clothing and put on either workout gear (it's been too long) or yoga pants with a tshirt.
FIRST kiss //
It's a shame that BOTH of my first kisses were so terrible. Yes, I said BOTH. I consider a small peck during a game of spin the bottle to be my first kiss. I was in middle school. I consider my second first kiss (french kiss) to be absolutely horrible. The dude that kissed me sort of forced himself on me, and it was as though he was trying to swallow my soul out of my throat. Awful, just awful.
FIRST home //
I'm going with most memorable. My parents and I lived in a haunted house when I was first born but as a newborn I have no memory of this house.
Our second home was what I considered my home. We lived there from me being the age of 3 until I was 19. Big home, lots of wooded land surrounding it that I played in regularly, and a pool. It was heaven. A small slice of the good life. When my parents divorced they split the home. I was pretty upset to leave, I truly wanted to be able to bring my kids there to play where I played for so many years. A former high school friend's mom purchased the home. She's made a ton of changes to it, most of which neither my father (the designer and builder of the home) and myself don't agree with. I can't bring myself to even go down the 1000 foot driveway to view it.
FIRST car //
1986 Mercury Topaz. I named him "Merky" after one of the villains from Rainbow Brite. And because well Mercury could be shortened to "Merky" At the time my boyfriend's name was Mark and everyone called him Markie, so I guess that works too. I loved the shit out of that car. It was like a tank. It was probably the BEST first car ever. My friends weren't too pleased about it. I often got told they would drive when we'd go down to the local drive spot. They would rather been seen in their brand new 1994 Escorts (my dream car at the time), than my Mercury beater. Whatever, I didn't care, I loved that car. Non-factory sunroof and all.
FIRST accident traffic violation //
Speeding tickets. Loads of them. I was probably 18 when I got my first one. I was racing home after spending the night at my boyfriend's home. I got pulled over by a state trooper that was totally rude to me. Asking me if my parents knew where I had been etc. I got many more tickets after that but that one was the most memorable.
FIRST drink of choice //
Depends, what time is it? What are we doing? Where are we going? What am I eating?
Bottom line - if I'm thirsty, water. If it's hot and I'm on a patio chilling, beer of some form.
Favorit liquor, Spiced Rum. Most often Captain Morgan but I've been known to step out a time or two with Sailor Jerry.
FIRST dessert of choice //
Hands down, cheesecake.
FIRST choice restaurant //
The Flamming Pit in Gaithersburg, Maryland. I've been going there since I was a wee kiddo. I used to request hamburgers when I got there, much to the disappointment of my parents. Now I get the same two things every time. It's always a toss up between their Crab cakes, or their trademark Prime Rib. Always medium rare, emphasis on the rare. And trust me, if you have the chance to go there, you should try the cream of crab soup if it's available. Trust me. Heaven. Also, anywhere that serves Steamed Crabs. And trust me, only get crab cakes in Maryland. Ya heard?
As far as locally here the biggest choice place I like to go for a good meal is hands down our friends bar, On the Rocks. Best Burgers in the area.
FIRST song that comes to mind //
Currently I can't get the Weeds theme song out of my head. "Little boxes, on the hill side. Little boxes made of tickie tacky." I've been singing it for weeks now that we're obsessed with the show. I'm sad the theme song stops after like season 3.
FIRST major purchase //
I will say it was my second car. It was a 1996 Eclipse. All the bells a whistles a girl could ask for. Silver, sunroof. Power windows, fog lights. I thought I was the shit. I loved that car. His name was Duke. And yes, all my cars are male. [After Duke was Beastie Jeepie my 1989 Grand Cherokee Jeep, after him was Whitey - my BMW 325i, I love him too and now Snowman my 2003? Grand Jeep Cherokee) All men.
FIRST job //
Sales associate at Afterthoughts jewelry. It was such a BS job but it paid for fun items and clothing. I was 15 years old. My second job was at Lerner, now New York and Company. Then Express, then Bath and Body Works. Then odd jobs Tanning salons / etc.
FIRST time I flew //
I was ten years old. My mother and I flew to Florida to visit Disney World. Funny story, it was also the same week I became a woman. There's literally nothing more magical than your mother telling you to slap on a pad, we're going to visit Mickey. Oh, youth.
FIRST "big girl" job //
I guess you could say when I became a manicurist. Any job that requires you to take a state board exam in my book is a "big girl job".
FIRSTS!
FIRST thing I do in the morning //
I hit snooze, and or request that my cat get off my hip so I can get out of bed.
FIRST thing I do when I get home from work //
Nine times out of ten, it's strip off my work clothing and put on either workout gear (it's been too long) or yoga pants with a tshirt.
FIRST kiss //
It's a shame that BOTH of my first kisses were so terrible. Yes, I said BOTH. I consider a small peck during a game of spin the bottle to be my first kiss. I was in middle school. I consider my second first kiss (french kiss) to be absolutely horrible. The dude that kissed me sort of forced himself on me, and it was as though he was trying to swallow my soul out of my throat. Awful, just awful.
FIRST home //
I'm going with most memorable. My parents and I lived in a haunted house when I was first born but as a newborn I have no memory of this house.
Our second home was what I considered my home. We lived there from me being the age of 3 until I was 19. Big home, lots of wooded land surrounding it that I played in regularly, and a pool. It was heaven. A small slice of the good life. When my parents divorced they split the home. I was pretty upset to leave, I truly wanted to be able to bring my kids there to play where I played for so many years. A former high school friend's mom purchased the home. She's made a ton of changes to it, most of which neither my father (the designer and builder of the home) and myself don't agree with. I can't bring myself to even go down the 1000 foot driveway to view it.
FIRST car //
1986 Mercury Topaz. I named him "Merky" after one of the villains from Rainbow Brite. And because well Mercury could be shortened to "Merky" At the time my boyfriend's name was Mark and everyone called him Markie, so I guess that works too. I loved the shit out of that car. It was like a tank. It was probably the BEST first car ever. My friends weren't too pleased about it. I often got told they would drive when we'd go down to the local drive spot. They would rather been seen in their brand new 1994 Escorts (my dream car at the time), than my Mercury beater. Whatever, I didn't care, I loved that car. Non-factory sunroof and all.
FIRST accident traffic violation //
Speeding tickets. Loads of them. I was probably 18 when I got my first one. I was racing home after spending the night at my boyfriend's home. I got pulled over by a state trooper that was totally rude to me. Asking me if my parents knew where I had been etc. I got many more tickets after that but that one was the most memorable.
FIRST drink of choice //
Depends, what time is it? What are we doing? Where are we going? What am I eating?
Bottom line - if I'm thirsty, water. If it's hot and I'm on a patio chilling, beer of some form.
Favorit liquor, Spiced Rum. Most often Captain Morgan but I've been known to step out a time or two with Sailor Jerry.
FIRST dessert of choice //
Hands down, cheesecake.
FIRST choice restaurant //
The Flamming Pit in Gaithersburg, Maryland. I've been going there since I was a wee kiddo. I used to request hamburgers when I got there, much to the disappointment of my parents. Now I get the same two things every time. It's always a toss up between their Crab cakes, or their trademark Prime Rib. Always medium rare, emphasis on the rare. And trust me, if you have the chance to go there, you should try the cream of crab soup if it's available. Trust me. Heaven. Also, anywhere that serves Steamed Crabs. And trust me, only get crab cakes in Maryland. Ya heard?
As far as locally here the biggest choice place I like to go for a good meal is hands down our friends bar, On the Rocks. Best Burgers in the area.
FIRST song that comes to mind //
Currently I can't get the Weeds theme song out of my head. "Little boxes, on the hill side. Little boxes made of tickie tacky." I've been singing it for weeks now that we're obsessed with the show. I'm sad the theme song stops after like season 3.
FIRST major purchase //
I will say it was my second car. It was a 1996 Eclipse. All the bells a whistles a girl could ask for. Silver, sunroof. Power windows, fog lights. I thought I was the shit. I loved that car. His name was Duke. And yes, all my cars are male. [After Duke was Beastie Jeepie my 1989 Grand Cherokee Jeep, after him was Whitey - my BMW 325i, I love him too and now Snowman my 2003? Grand Jeep Cherokee) All men.
FIRST job //
Sales associate at Afterthoughts jewelry. It was such a BS job but it paid for fun items and clothing. I was 15 years old. My second job was at Lerner, now New York and Company. Then Express, then Bath and Body Works. Then odd jobs Tanning salons / etc.
FIRST time I flew //
I was ten years old. My mother and I flew to Florida to visit Disney World. Funny story, it was also the same week I became a woman. There's literally nothing more magical than your mother telling you to slap on a pad, we're going to visit Mickey. Oh, youth.
FIRST "big girl" job //
I guess you could say when I became a manicurist. Any job that requires you to take a state board exam in my book is a "big girl job".
April 03, 2013
four years.
Four years ago, seems like only yesterday.
Four years ago, I said good-bye to my mother, over the phone before she passed away.
Four years ago, I had wished she didn't have the Do Not Resuscitate order in her will.
Four years ago, I felt selfish, then I felt ashamed.
Four years ago, I realized not being resuscitated was her wish, and her hope.
Four years ago, I realized peace was better than prolonging her condition.
Four years ago, I cried.
Four years ago, I realized I wasn't the 19 year old she left behind in search of love and happiness. But instead the 32 year old woman who was old enough to stand on her own two feet and let go of pointless disappointment.
Four years ago, I realize all the petty things I thought were SO important were nothing compared to her life, and her love.
Four years ago, I forgave her, for all the horribly stupid things I was holding in anger about.
Four years ago, I hoped she forgave me too.
Four years ago, she left me forever.
For years ago, I wrote this blog on myspace for my mother... and today on the anniversary of her passing, I wanted to share it. For posterity. For myself. For my memories.
I said good-bye to my mother today. I told her I loved her for the last time. I hate that it was over the phone - I hate that I’ve been so far away, for all these years. I try not to dwell on regrets they will only drive me mad, but I have to beat myself up just a little bit. All the years of resentment have now disappeared, all the years of anger, vanished into thin air... all that is left is a sense of helplessness. Why my mother, why now? Why ever? I know that death is a part of life, but this isn’t a part I was ready to play.
My mother was always my best friend. Somewhere between the divorce and separation, the friendship never died, it just changed. I wish I could rewind time, but I can’t. I know she knew that I loved her, I just wish she realized how much. I will always think of her as my role model. I’m going to be so lost without her.
I take comfort in knowing I spent time with her last week, quality time. I take comfort in knowing she’s at peace, no longer in pain, and no longer having to fight because she thinks that’s what we all would want. I find comfort that she will find comfort in her family’s arms when she arrives. I find comfort in knowing she won’t be alone anymore. I know that our family... our friends and most importantly people she never met in person (my best friend's father, my dear friend Malcolm and countless other friends and people I’ve known can come up to her and say... You don’t know me... but I know your daughter, and she always told me wonderful things about you... I’m here). I wish I could be the one to be there with her when she passed - I’ll live with this forever that I wasn’t... but I don’t know if I could have handled that... but again I’ll kick myself for it. There’s no way I could have known, but still.... I will live with it.
I told my mom everything I never got to say today... I told her all my feelings and that I hoped she could understand.
It’s storming outside, in my mind it helps me to smile, knowing it’s my mother... up there... raising hell.
Thank you everyone for all your kind thoughts, words, prayers and support. Without you... I’d be lost!
Four years ago, I said good-bye to my mother, over the phone before she passed away.
Four years ago, I had wished she didn't have the Do Not Resuscitate order in her will.
Four years ago, I felt selfish, then I felt ashamed.
Four years ago, I realized not being resuscitated was her wish, and her hope.
Four years ago, I realized peace was better than prolonging her condition.
Four years ago, I cried.
Four years ago, I realized I wasn't the 19 year old she left behind in search of love and happiness. But instead the 32 year old woman who was old enough to stand on her own two feet and let go of pointless disappointment.
Four years ago, I realize all the petty things I thought were SO important were nothing compared to her life, and her love.
Four years ago, I forgave her, for all the horribly stupid things I was holding in anger about.
Four years ago, I hoped she forgave me too.
Four years ago, she left me forever.
For years ago, I wrote this blog on myspace for my mother... and today on the anniversary of her passing, I wanted to share it. For posterity. For myself. For my memories.
***
April 3, 2008I said good-bye to my mother today. I told her I loved her for the last time. I hate that it was over the phone - I hate that I’ve been so far away, for all these years. I try not to dwell on regrets they will only drive me mad, but I have to beat myself up just a little bit. All the years of resentment have now disappeared, all the years of anger, vanished into thin air... all that is left is a sense of helplessness. Why my mother, why now? Why ever? I know that death is a part of life, but this isn’t a part I was ready to play.
My mother was always my best friend. Somewhere between the divorce and separation, the friendship never died, it just changed. I wish I could rewind time, but I can’t. I know she knew that I loved her, I just wish she realized how much. I will always think of her as my role model. I’m going to be so lost without her.
I take comfort in knowing I spent time with her last week, quality time. I take comfort in knowing she’s at peace, no longer in pain, and no longer having to fight because she thinks that’s what we all would want. I find comfort that she will find comfort in her family’s arms when she arrives. I find comfort in knowing she won’t be alone anymore. I know that our family... our friends and most importantly people she never met in person (my best friend's father, my dear friend Malcolm and countless other friends and people I’ve known can come up to her and say... You don’t know me... but I know your daughter, and she always told me wonderful things about you... I’m here). I wish I could be the one to be there with her when she passed - I’ll live with this forever that I wasn’t... but I don’t know if I could have handled that... but again I’ll kick myself for it. There’s no way I could have known, but still.... I will live with it.
I told my mom everything I never got to say today... I told her all my feelings and that I hoped she could understand.
It’s storming outside, in my mind it helps me to smile, knowing it’s my mother... up there... raising hell.
Thank you everyone for all your kind thoughts, words, prayers and support. Without you... I’d be lost!
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