strange trip.

I had a really strange dream last night. It involved Eddie Vedder, whales, an atomic like bomb and a phone call to my husband.

Cliff Notes Version: My husband and I were working on different sides of town when the warning went off that people needed to seek shelter that our home would be under attack. As I was walking I ran into someone trying to get rid of an original drawing, of Eddie Vedder. I was shocked and quickly took the deal. Nevermind the world was about to possibly explode. I wanted the drawing for my husband.

As I was rushing toward the house the warnings got more rushed, and I was shoved onto what seemed like a lead boat and I was side by side with Eddie Vedder. He commented on my drawing that he liked it. I told him the story behind it and before I knew it we were shoved into a cabin room together, the doors were locked and as the shades (metal windows) went down we could see a bright blast. Anyone on the beach out the window was killed, and huge killer whales started to roll in the violent waves, belly up.

I turned to Eddie Vedder and started to cry, that I needed to find my husband to see if he was alright. Eddie handed me his cell phone and as I dialed Mike's number I hoped he would pick up. He did - I was so thankful. I told him where I was, that I was safe, he said he was too, and then I told him to hold on and handed him the phone. He had a 20 minute conversation with Eddie. All I can remember is smiling, he was talking to his hero, and although I have a huge crush on Eddie, in my dream at that moment all I wanted was for my husband to be there, with Eddie and me.

Told you, super strange? I should probably lay off the gelatto before bed, right?

VIA // Eddie Vedder's Hall Pass // Tumblr

Confessional Friday

Here it is, Friday at last. I'm very, very happy about this. It's been a long week.

To make it easy on myself and because I love confessing I wanted to link-up with the lovely Leslie at A Blonde Ambition for her Confessional Friday!!! Join in the fun and visit her blog!

I CONFESS //
I started my day off with a bang riding to work. I decided to flip through radio stations to find some music. My current pre-sets didn't have jack to offer so I scanned. I came to the local R&B / Hip Hop station and was SO excited when they started playing a "club mix" of Busta Rhymes "If You Really Wanna Party With Me" mixed with JT's "Suit and Tie" it was great! It got me moving and smiling and bouncing in my Jeep seats on the way to work. Older rap make she very nostalgic. Reminds me of high school and college.

I CONFESS // 
We brought up Zima today at work, and I thought to myself do they still make this? I'd really love to try a bottle again to remind myself how horrible but delightful it was back in the day. (Again, nostalgia).

I CONFESS //
I am completely obsessed with the show WEEDS. I know, I know not long ago it was Supernatural (still obsessed) and Mad Men (still obsessed) The Walking Dead (still obsessed) and Game of Thrones (still obsessed). But Weeds is SO entertaining. I had NO idea I'd like it as much as I do. We're on season 8 through Netflix right now and I really, really will be upset when we are finished with episodes offered. I am having a hard time picking a favorite character. One minute it's Doug, then it's Andy, then it's Silas, then it's back to Doug again. Let's just say the show doesn't work without all of them. I miss Celia, a lot. And Nancy has me wanting ice coffee all. the. time!

VIA

I CONFESS //
I want Nancy Botwin's shoe collection (Weeds), and most of her closet. Although I'd really love to teach her the fine art of cami's under her see thru blouses. I'm tired of looking at her bras. I know why she dresses that way and why wardrobe does it, she's sexy, sure but I'm truly tired of seeing her bras.

I CONFESS //
While I'm not a pot smoker, and probably could count the number of times I've tried it on one hand, I'm overly curious about it. And I honestly have no problem with mary jane being legalized. To me it's less dangerous than alcohol or smoking combined (or on their own). Just my 2 cents.

I CONFESS //
Mike and I just purchased tickets to hit up the Nashville Comic Con and I'm really excited. I've never been to a Comic Con but I bet it's going to be fun and interesting. And I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't excited about the fact that Norman Reedus, aka Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead will be there. As well as Billy D. Williams... and many, many more. (Can we say James Marsters aka SPIKE from Buffy!!!) I'm pretty excited for October.

I CONFESS //
I've been purchasing Abita's Strawberry Beer like it's going out of style. It will probably never go out of style but it will go out of season soon. Once it's gone for the year, it's gone. It's always a limited release. So lately, even if I'm fully stocked at home with drinks for the weekend, I will snag a 6 pack. It's SO good. If you've never had it, and even if you hate beer, try this, I bet you won't be disappointed. A close 2nd for me is their Purple Haze (with hints of raspberry). YUM!

VIA

I CONFESS //
After watching the documentary Beer Wars on Netflix (I'm obsessed with documentaries too), I am rethinking the way I purchase and consume the beverage of the gods. It really opened my eyes to how much more I dislike Anheuser Busch, and all they stand for. Yes, even my beloved Michelob Ultra is a part of this company... and it will be tough to give up my favorite light beer. I'm trying hard to find a replacement, from an independently brewed company, or otherwise. I will still probably consume it in small doses. Needless to say, Anheuser Busch is sneaky, crafty, and all about making money and taking out the competition (and the little man/woman). Which I get, we all want to be rich, but for me I don't want to be rich at the risk of putting mom and pop businesses OUT of business. It talks about shady practices, and also how there are many brands of brew you have NO idea that are part of the AB family.  (Did you know they purchased the Rolling Rock factory AND recipe. And instead of keeping the original brewery open, they shut it down, and moved the production to their normal brewery to save money, thus forcing people out of jobs and taking away the one thing that made the beer unique, the special water used from local waterways. Locals were pissed, and rightfully so).

Needless to say AB is #1, with Miller a close 2nd and Coors in 3rd. So after watching this I'm doing my part to go with local brewers, smaller brewers and places that aren't a part of the AB family. Sam Adam's is a huge, private, brewery. I love their beer. As well as Flying Dog Ales which is brewed in my home state in Frederick, MD (my old stomping grounds). Add to that a few others like Abita, brewed in Louisiana. And many other local, independent brews (another huge one that is independent and family owned is Dogfish Beer - this brewery is highlighted in the documentary, and located in Delaware, MD).

A lot of beer that AB brews and distributes is not labeled as AB beer. That kind of practice is what I feel is shady. In order to get a consumer like myself that is trying to avoid them, they hide this info. A brand such as Shocktop is viewed as a small brewery, but in fact is brewed by AB. This type of mass production, and secrecy makes it really hard for John Smith to brew his craft beer and market it because he can't compete with AB's numbers. Craft beer is an art, not a mass production thing. AB doesn't seem to give 2 rats asses about that.

OK, enough soap box. Drink what you like just remember... where it came from.

HAPPY WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!!

day trippin'

A few of my close friends from Maryland headed South this past weekend to vacation and enjoy the great state of Tennessee. My friend P has family in Knoxville, so they dropped off her mother to visit her Aunt and she and her hubby M headed to Nashville. I would be a total crap friend if I missed a chance to hang with them, when Nashville is only like 2 hours from my home. We made plans to meet up on Sunday for lunch and to go tooling around town.

Mike and I hit the road at about 10:00 am and headed toward Tennessee.  It's so funny to me that I can stay awake for most of a ride to Maryland, but the 2 hours it takes to Tennessee I always feel like I'm going to fall asleep (and/or do fall asleep). Mike is a trooper!

The weather this weekend was pretty great. Mid 70's, overcast with a bit of wind (it picked up a bit too much while we were downtown but still the weather right now was more mild/chilly than it was when we went in December to see The Who).

MIDTOWN / NASHVILLE
For years Mike has raved about Mojo's in Midtown. I've been there with him twice and can honestly say it's never disappointed. It's a great little local place, with a great patio, tons of brews on tap and the best mix of Cajun and Mexican inspired food. As someone who truly loves both of these type of cuisines, I highly recommend stopping by Brewhouse / Mojo's in Midtown if you are out that way. Not only were Mike and I excited to get our favorite food but the bartender let us know it was 2 for 1 on all draft beers - SCORE! He settled on an IPA, my friend P and split some Abita Purple Hazes and her hubby M got something the bartender recommended to him. No visit to Mojo's is complete without ordering the Cajun Burrito, that will be Mike's message to you.

via Mike's Instagram

Tell me that doesn't look amazing. It's literally a burrito filled with Cajun amazingness. Cajun sausage, chicken, beans, rice and even Crawfish Étouffée. (It's also topped with the étouffée). It's filling and amazing all in one. Don't let the paper plates fool you, it might seem "low rent" but it's anything but. Very casual atmosphere. While we dined and caught up with our old friends the bar filled with Sunday afternoon patrons. Some were chatting and eating others were throwing darts and drinking the 2 for 1 special on beers. The weather was perfect. And trust me, if Cajun/Mexican isn't your taste, there are about 6 different patio bars right there together in Midtown to choose from. I truly can't wait to go back and try them - I'm hoping sometime soon Mike and I can take an overnight trip and just hop from patio to patio!

While in Midtown, and the West End we hit up Grimey's Record Store in search of vinyl. Mike wasn't going to make a trip to Nashville without hitting up at least once store. We've been on a mission lately to expand our record collection. M and P were perfectly happy to tag along and see more of the city than just a tourist would see. Mike hit his own personal mother load at Grimey's. Finding two Mudhoney records and finally getting a hold of Pearl Jam's Backspacer on Vinyl.  I was in search of some Red Hot Chili Peppers, but their selection was small for RHCP, instead Mike pointed out a Pixies section and I was sold. I snagged "Surfer Rosa". Which actually just celebrated it's 25th year since being released. Wow, typing that just made me feel really old. I would love to post a picture for you of the cover but it's a bit PG-13 (bewbies n' junk on the cover). M got himself 2 albums as well and decided he should take up vinyl collecting as a hobby. He settled on Nirvana's Unplugged (really wish I would have seen that first and snagged it) and a record that was recorded LIVE at the record store, by Metallica. Talk about a sweet souvenir! (See Mike's loot below)

Pearl Jam // Backspacer // via Mike's Instagram

Mudhoney // via Mike's Instagram

Mudhoney // via Mike's Instagram

I probably could have stayed in Grimey's all day. If we didn't have two friends in town that had never truly been there - I would have. I'm pretty sure Mike would have too. It was well organized, it smelled nice (you know how some old record stores smell stuffy? Sometimes that's a plus, others not so much). This place was really well organized and there was SO much to look at. We instead decided to haul our cookies downtown to walk them around.

Once we parked downtown the wind picked up, but I was semi thankful, nothing spoils sight seeing more than sweat, and let's just say, I'm not quite a lady when it comes to getting overheated. I sweat like a man. So the breeze, was a blessing.

We walked up and down Broadway and down to the river. Mike and I have never walked that far so it was nice to see the city from that angle.

Downtown Nashville // Batman Building, no that's not it's real name // via My Instagram

We dipped in and out of a few local stores. I was really disappointed to find out that The Hatch Print Shop is closed on Sundays - I was really hoping to go in there and rummage through old and new screen printed posters. I've become a bit obsessed with screen printing lately (I purchased a Grimey's tshirt, just because it looked cool, and it was screen printed).

We headed down the street on the off chance a bar Mike's been dying to show me, might be open. The last time we were in Nashville it was also a Sunday and said bar was closed. Thankfully we must have shown up at the right time and the Beer Sellar was open. It's tucked away on a side street, a bit hard to find, especially because it's underground. We walked down the cool, brick stairs into the dark, semi seedy looking bar and sat down to order a round. Again I went with Abita, this time Strawberry was the flavor of choice. SO good when it hits your lips. Although I was disappointed to see that they had Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy on tap. That stuff is amazing!!! (beer and lemonade mixed).

The Beer Sellar // via My Instagram

We hung out a bit longer and soon returned P and M to their hotel. Time passes so quickly but we knew we had a 2 hour ride to get home ahead of us. Once home, we hit up a favorite local place for some reubens and then went home to crash on the couch. It was a day well spent and a fun trip, one I hope to make again sometime soon so we can explore more of Midtown.

day drinking.

via Pinterest

The weather is amazing outside right now. All I want to do is leave my office and soak up the rays. Spring Fever is in full effect now. Weeks ago, that was just a teaser. Today the sun is out, it's rocking about 84 degrees and the breeze is gentle. PERFECT day drinking weather.

Give me a patio, and a cold beverage and I'm set. And make sure you give me about 10 lbs. of allergy medication too, because the pollen is so thick in the air, I think I could cut it with a knife.

Day Dreaming Drinking, is where it's at!

First Timers

For lack of feeling up for coming up with a brilliant blog post I thought I'd follow the lovely Carolyn over at Life, Love and Puppy Prints' lead by answering this survey of FIRSTS! [Thanks for the inspiration Carolyn!]

FIRSTS!

FIRST thing I do in the morning //
I hit snooze, and or request that my cat get off my hip so I can get out of bed.

FIRST thing I do when I get home from work //
Nine times out of ten, it's strip off my work clothing and put on either workout gear (it's been too long) or yoga pants with a tshirt.

FIRST kiss //
It's a shame that BOTH of my first kisses were so terrible. Yes, I said BOTH. I consider a small peck during a game of spin the bottle to be my first kiss. I was in middle school. I consider my second first kiss (french kiss) to be absolutely horrible. The dude that kissed me sort of forced himself on me, and it was as though he was trying to swallow my soul out of my throat. Awful, just awful.

FIRST home //
I'm going with most memorable. My parents and I lived in a haunted house when I was first born but as a newborn I have no memory of this house.

Our second home was what I considered my home. We lived there from me being the age of 3 until I was 19. Big home, lots of wooded land surrounding it that I played in regularly, and a pool. It was heaven. A small slice of the good life. When my parents divorced they split the home. I was pretty upset to leave, I truly wanted to be able to bring my kids there to play where I played for so many years. A former high school friend's mom purchased the home. She's made a ton of changes to it, most of which neither my father (the designer and builder of the home) and myself don't agree with. I can't bring myself to even go down the 1000 foot driveway to view it.

FIRST car //
1986 Mercury Topaz. I named him "Merky" after one of the villains from Rainbow Brite. And because well Mercury could be shortened to "Merky" At the time my boyfriend's name was Mark and everyone called him Markie, so I guess that works too. I loved the shit out of that car. It was like a tank. It was probably the BEST first car ever. My friends weren't too pleased about it. I often got told they would drive when we'd go down to the local drive spot. They would rather been seen in their brand new 1994 Escorts (my dream car at the time), than my Mercury beater. Whatever, I didn't care, I loved that car. Non-factory sunroof and all.

FIRST accident traffic violation //
Speeding tickets. Loads of them. I was probably 18 when I got my first one. I was racing home after spending the night at my boyfriend's home. I got pulled over by a state trooper that was totally rude to me. Asking me if my parents knew where I had been etc. I got many more tickets after that but that one was the most memorable.

FIRST drink of choice //
Depends, what time is it? What are we doing? Where are we going? What am I eating?
Bottom line - if I'm thirsty, water. If it's hot and I'm on a patio chilling, beer of some form.
Favorit liquor, Spiced Rum. Most often Captain Morgan but I've been known to step out a time or two with Sailor Jerry.

FIRST dessert of choice //
Hands down, cheesecake.

FIRST choice restaurant //
The Flamming Pit in Gaithersburg, Maryland. I've been going there since I was a wee kiddo. I used to request hamburgers when I got there, much to the disappointment of my parents. Now I get the same two things every time. It's always a toss up between their Crab cakes, or their trademark Prime Rib. Always medium rare, emphasis on the rare. And trust me, if you have the chance to go there, you should try the cream of crab soup if it's available. Trust me. Heaven. Also, anywhere that serves Steamed Crabs. And trust me, only get crab cakes in Maryland. Ya heard?

As far as locally here the biggest choice place I like to go for a good meal is hands down our friends bar, On the Rocks. Best Burgers in the area.

FIRST song that comes to mind //
Currently I can't get the Weeds theme song out of my head. "Little boxes, on the hill side. Little boxes made of tickie tacky." I've been singing it for weeks now that we're obsessed with the show. I'm sad the theme song stops after like season 3.

FIRST major purchase //
I will say it was my second car. It was a 1996 Eclipse. All the bells a whistles a girl could ask for. Silver, sunroof. Power windows, fog lights. I thought I was the shit. I loved that car. His name was Duke. And yes, all my cars are male. [After Duke was Beastie Jeepie my 1989 Grand Cherokee Jeep, after him was Whitey - my BMW 325i, I love him too and now Snowman my 2003? Grand Jeep Cherokee) All men.

FIRST job // 
Sales associate at Afterthoughts jewelry. It was such a BS job but it paid for fun items and clothing. I was 15 years old. My second job was at Lerner, now New York and Company. Then Express, then Bath and Body Works. Then odd jobs Tanning salons / etc.

FIRST time I flew //
I was ten years old. My mother and I flew to Florida to visit Disney World. Funny story, it was also the same week I became a woman. There's literally nothing more magical than your mother telling you to slap on a pad, we're going to visit Mickey. Oh, youth.

FIRST "big girl" job //
I guess you could say when I became a manicurist. Any job that requires you to take a state board exam in my book is a "big girl job".

 

four years.

Four years ago, seems like only yesterday.

Four years ago, I said good-bye to my mother, over the phone before she passed away.

Four years ago, I had wished she didn't have the Do Not Resuscitate order in her will.

Four years ago, I felt selfish, then I felt ashamed.

Four years ago, I realized not being resuscitated was her wish, and her hope.

Four years ago, I realized peace was better than prolonging her condition.

Four years ago, I cried.

Four years ago, I realized I wasn't the 19 year old she left behind in search of love and happiness. But instead the 32 year old woman who was old enough to stand on her own two feet and let go of pointless disappointment.

Four years ago, I realize all the petty things I thought were SO important were nothing compared to her life, and her love.

Four years ago, I forgave her, for all the horribly stupid things I was holding in anger about.

Four years ago, I hoped she forgave me too.

Four years ago, she left me forever.

For years ago, I wrote this blog on myspace for my mother... and today on the anniversary of her passing, I wanted to share it. For posterity. For myself. For my memories.

***

April 3, 2008

I said good-bye to my mother today. I told her I loved her for the last time. I hate that it was over the phone - I hate that I’ve been so far away, for all these years. I try not to dwell on regrets they will only drive me mad, but I have to beat myself up just a little bit. All the years of resentment have now disappeared, all the years of anger, vanished into thin air... all that is left is a sense of helplessness. Why my mother, why now? Why ever? I know that death is a part of life, but this isn’t a part I was ready to play.

My mother was always my best friend. Somewhere between the divorce and separation, the friendship never died, it just changed. I wish I could rewind time, but I can’t. I know she knew that I loved her, I just wish she realized how much. I will always think of her as my role model. I’m going to be so lost without her.

I take comfort in knowing I spent time with her last week, quality time. I take comfort in knowing she’s at peace, no longer in pain, and no longer having to fight because she thinks that’s what we all would want. I find comfort that she will find comfort in her family’s arms when she arrives. I find comfort in knowing she won’t be alone anymore. I know that our family... our friends and most importantly people she never met in person (my best friend's father, my dear friend Malcolm and countless other friends and people I’ve known can come up to her and say... You don’t know me... but I know your daughter, and she always told me wonderful things about you... I’m here). I wish I could be the one to be there with her when she passed - I’ll live with this forever that I wasn’t... but I don’t know if I could have handled that... but again I’ll kick myself for it. There’s no way I could have known, but still.... I will live with it.

I told my mom everything I never got to say today... I told her all my feelings and that I hoped she could understand. 

It’s storming outside, in my mind it helps me to smile, knowing it’s my mother... up there... raising hell.

Thank you everyone for all your kind thoughts, words, prayers and support. Without you... I’d be lost!