oh ye of little faith wanna cookie?

I will admit that lately I've been slightly M.I.A. over here at D2BD and for that I am sorry. It seems like most of my time is taken up either by work, working out or life in general. Once I'm at home for the evening I like to unplug from the grid and just relax with Mike, watch some DVRed entertainment and get a full 7-8 hours of sleep. Granny what? I just want you to know I am thinking of you and wondering what I could chat about next that might entertain the masses. Lately all I can truly focus on or find as inspiration to blog about is my current weight loss struggle, but I didn't want to turn this blog into a weight loss blog at all. Instead I started Cocktails and Cardio so that those of you who don't want to listen to my woes can have that option. However, you will still be stuck with my bitching, so get over it. Ha! To those of you who have joined me over there at C and C with words of encouragement and following me - thank you so much! I means a lot to me to have a support system not just at home but on the internet as well. Opening up about stuff like this hasn't been easy for me, and your support gives me the power to be as honest with myself as I can. As women do I hold a lot of guilt about being perfect, or good enough and I hate that. I am good enough gosh darn it and people like me! Is what I try to tell myself everyday.

I don't want my current diet, that will eventually into a healthy way of living instead of just a diet won't effect the way I think about everything but, for now I know I need to focus on it. To me the word diet sounds so temporary. I don't want a quick fix or a temporary band-aid I want a lifestyle change so that's what I've been working on.

I thought about posting this over on the weight loss diary side of town since it has to do with food but then figured no, it's a legit bitch session rant and I might as well share it here with all of you lovelies for shits n' giggles. First and foremost - I don't obsess about food. I'm not going all LeAnn Rimes on you peeps, promise! Yes it's at the forefront of most of my thoughts and plans as well as way I run my days but I'm just trying to get myself in the frame of mind that in the future I won't rely on counting calories every. single. waking. minute. of my day!

So what am I wanting to bitch about? Well here goes. Usually on Wednesdays when I get paid Mike and I decide to eat lunch out on the town. We eat most of our weekly lunches at home, unless we have to pay a bill or do something else on our lunch break. When this happens we are usually at the mercy of the fast food gods for a quick meal on a budget. Sometimes I will splurge and take us to our favorite mini Gourmet Cafe in town but yesterday with our rent being due this wasn't an option. Besides I'd rather save that $20 lunch tab and get more delicious food to stock our fridge with.

After a moment of rock-paper-scissors we decided on McDonald's. Yes the dreaded McDevil! I went in armed and ready with my order. Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad and a Diet Coke. The main reason I can be OK with ordering this and not feel too deprived is that Mike usually gets a burger and fries. Today was no different. The woman behind the counter nicely offered to him "If you make your value meal a large today we will throw in a free cookie." My heart sort of sank, not only are fries a weakness but so are cookies. Why don't you just toss in an extra 5 lbs. of weight for me while you're at it cashier?!?!?  Mike got his large [he would have anyway] and we were granted one glorious chocolate chip cookie.

My usual routine at McD's if I'm being good is to take a pinch of Mike's fries and set them off to the side of my salad. I really like the Southwest salad because I don't need the dressing. Whatever they dress the chicken with usually is enough liquid, along with the black bean and corn salsa to make a "sort of" dressing. I usually make a small pool of the dressing on the lid and will sometimes dip my fork in it before eating some of the chicken, but this is rare. It's delicious but really not anything over the top to write home about. If I don't need it or miss it, why bother with the extra calories and fat right? Instead I'll have my 5-6 french fries, get my fix of the salty goodness and move on.

While I ate that cookie called to me. I didn't think Mike was interested in eating it until he finished his meal and opened the cookie bag. The only child inside my head started to scream "YOU AREN'T GOING TO EAT ALL THAT ARE YOU!?!?! I WANTED IT!" Truly, I didn't need the cookie but I wanted that bitch. They didn't need to offer it either. Mike being the kind and considerate boyfriend that he is broke the treat in half and put my half back in the wrapper. I watched him eat it out of the corner of my eye and continued on with my salad. I didn't hear a single "MMM..." out of him so I had to ask.. "Is it any good?" He just replied "Ah, it's ok. It just tastes like those store bought ready bake cookies."

At first I thought - I don't need it. It's not worth it, girl. Then I realized how much I'd been craving chocolate for the past few days and if I just gave my body the taste I'd be over the craving and move on. If I get it in my head I want something no substitute is going to take that away. Trust me I've tried. So I caved. I caved and savored each of the 4 bites it took to finish the cookie. Mike was right, totally store bought rip off, but the chocolate was slightly melted and it made it worth it, to me.

When I got back to work and checked the calories of how much it was for half of that cookie it was sort of disappointing but still, I enjoyed it.

My bitch session is this: McDonald's wants to constantly say they are trying to give us healthy choices and appeal to everyone and in my opinion they want to appeal to everyone and make us all overweight not healthy. There is no money apparently in healthy food sources for America. Why can't you get a free cookie with a regular sized meal? I ordered a salad with a small soda and didn't get offered jack. Sure I probably didn't want it since I ordered the lighter meal but still - why are the only people awarded [or punished depending on how you look at it] the cookie the ones eating the horrible food? Such is life I guess.  I love how they are marketing their oatmeal as healthy - sure it might be better than some of the other breakfast options but it and the yogurt smoothies are far from health food. I just wish for once my town could get a healthy fast food option even if it was a mom and pop place. Note to self: Stop eating McEvil, even if you're in a pinch. Back away from it, girl.

Do places around you do this same type of thing?


In other news, this week is the last week, of my first month doing ChaLean Extreme and I'm in love with the program! I look forward to sharing my results over on CandC and here too!