christmas lyrics that make NO sense.

Maybe I'm being too literal but often times when listening to classic Christmas music, I take a moment and think to myself... WTF?  Some of the lyrics, while they make perfect sense for the flow of a song, literally make no sense to me, rationally. See below.

"A child, a child, shivers in the cold. 

Let us bring him silver and gold."

Um, he's freezing, the last thing he needs is metallic items that serve no purpose other than to make him feel like a pimp. Save it for Kanye and get that baby another blanket!

via google

Or this nugget...

"He sees you when you're sleeping.

He knows when you're awake."

Talk about a Big Brother moment. Sheesh! I know this song is meant for kids hear, so they are on their best behavior, but lets me real. If Santa can see me when I'm sleeping, that dirty old man can also see me when I'm showering and pooping! Do you know how much that bothered me as a little kid!!!?!?!?  #problems

"What a laugh it would have been. 

If daddy had only seen,

momma kissin' Santa Claus last night!"

Not really totally odd - I mean we know basically, or hopefully, Momma is just kissing her husband dressed up as Santa Claus, and it's sweet because the boy or girl doesn't realize it's daddy.

The other day though a dear blogger pal of mine Lora posted on facebook how the Jackson 5 version of this song always makes her really uncomfortable and nervous. She imagines what might happen to momma if Joe Jackson actually caught her kissing Santa. I couldn't help but laugh but now I think twice about the song every time I hear it. Thanks Lora!!!

"We won't leave until we get some. 

We won't leave until we get some..."

We Wish You A Merry Christmas starts off OK, but then the demands for figgy pudding set in, and they won't leave until they get some? WTF? Get off my porch, quit waking the neighbors you heathens!

"There'll be scary ghost storys, 

and tales of the glories of Christmases long, long ago."

 Mike reminded me that this is probably talking about The Christmas Carol. The classic tale about being visited by 3 Ghosts.  I for one think it's probably true but more literally who the fuck is telling ghost stories around a fire during Christmas. Morbid! Well, honestly, I probably would.

"In the meadow we can build a snowman,

then pretend that he is Parson Brown.

He'll Say: Are you Married?

We'll say: No Man, but you can do the job while

you're in town.

Later on we'll conspire,

As we dream by the fire,

To face unafraid,

The plans that we've made,

walking in a winter wonderland..."

More like realize we're insane, thinking a snowman could marry the two of you. When the ripple wears off, the dude is going to be like... shit, what did I just do??? This bitch is crazy! Or vice versa.

So there you go... crazy people building snowman, ghost stories, freezing babies and carolers with demands. It's nothing like the Christmas season right?

What is your FAVORITE carol? And does it have a strange lyric? Mine is "I'll Be Home For Christmas" and "Little Drummer Boy" they both slay me with welled up eyes EVERY. TIME. I hear them.  Merry Holidays & Happy New Year!!!