August 14, 2012

Day One... again.

Well world, here I am again, back to square one. I have debated for a while about writing this entry but I feel I owe it to myself, and my readers to be honest. I haven't been very honest with myself lately when it comes to my weight. I kept telling myself it was all under control, but I was wrong. I will add a disclaimer to this post right now, readers please note that when I state my weight, or complain about it, it's A) extremely hard for me to admit to everyone and B) If I state my weight, and you weigh more than me, I am by no means saying anything negative about you. All of this talk is the opinion of myself, on my own body.

Now that I have that said, here I sit, larger than I have ever been in my entire life. I can recall when I moved to Florida years ago, I ballooned up from eating nothing but chicken wings and fast food. At that time I was the largest I had ever been. Looking back, I was 20+ lighter than I am now. Once I moved home, my lifestyle changed, my diet changed and the weight came right off. Oh to have a 20 something's metabolism again.

I'm by no means a yo-yo dieter. I don't go to extremes. Well, I guess I do if you count eating whatever I want and not paying attention to my waistband getting too tight, I do go to extremes. I don't consider myself an emotional eater. It's rare that I gorge myself on anything. I don't fast, I don't do crazy diet plans. OK that's a slight lie, I tried the South Beach Diet and all but puked pea green soup on everyone. I am convinced when my ex offered me pizza one night my head spun completely around as I yelled at him "I can't have pizza dammit!!!"

So here I am, almost 10 years later in the same position. I'm much happier in my life, very successful, and in a great relationship, but my eating habits have been left then totally right. Last year, and the year before I got on the P90X bandwagon and saw results, but because they weren't as quick as I wanted, I gave up, got bored and moved on. I tried TurboFire and loved it, but again, got bored, moved on. I even did ChaLean Extreme, and yes, loved it. Are you sensing a pattern? Thankfully through all of this, I realize that keeping things new, exciting and enjoyable are a key to my working out.

I titled this Day One... again, because this is probably about the fifth time I've written a blog exactly like this. Here, at my other old fitness blog, on LiveJournal and on I am trying really hard to hold myself accountable for my actions, and I figured being honest here was the first step. A second step is having a workout buddy. My best friend from middle/high school and I are in this together. While we are miles apart, but thanks to technology we have the ability to check in everyday, hold each other accountable for our workouts and do to this together. She is already fit as hell, and doesn't need this, but having her in my corner helps me.  My other friends all look amazing. All of them have at least 2 kids each and look like a million dollars. They all work hard to look the way they look, and I want to get in the swing of things, before having children so that when I have one of my own, I can already have healthy habits to help my lifestyle.

Today marked the first day of working out again after a very long hiatus. So long that I think the last time I seriously worked out was right before my wedding (nearly 10 months ago). I've decided to start with the P90X program again, only this time switching up some of the cardio with TurboFire (I'm not a huge fan of Plyometrics, and neither are my knees - and the Cardio X sort of gets on my nerves too. I hope with using the cardio portions as a way to add some variety I won't get bored as easily. I also want to try to start jogging. Once the weather here starts to cool off mind you - I'm not trying to have a heat stroke.

I plan on posting here a lot about my ups, downs and my triumphs. I hope you will join me in this journey. I have to make changes in my life that stick, and keeping myself accountable.

I guess I'll be honest, the thing that made me hit this choice was simple... I stepped on the scale the other day and for the first time in my life it read 200 lbs. Like I stated in the disclaimer, me having an issue with my size is purely personal, so if I ever start getting down on myself PLEASE know I'm talking about me, not anyone else on this earth. 200 lbs is a lot for my 5'6" frame. I hide it fairly well. I like to claim it's all in my boobs, butt and thighs. Hot right? Well, to be honest it's my entire trunk, and while I have an hour glass figure, I also have a bit of a beer gut (see also: donuts/sweets/cakes/pies/tacos/chickenwings - you get the idea).

This weight is my breaking point. I'm tired of crying when nothing fits when we prepare to go out on the town. I'm tired of finding something that "will do" or is "OK" to wear. I want to feel confident again, in my own skin... less of my own skin.

So here I am, speaking out, telling the truth and taking the first step to the rest of my life. Day one, again.

If you made it this far, thanks for listening. Any suggestions, advice or information you have is greatly appreciated. If you'd like to find me on drop me an email and I'll let you know my screenname on there - the more help/support the better! I will be working out with my P90X hybrid, counting calories with and being as active as possible.

Thanks for taking time to read all this!
Workout: Turbo Fire 45 EZ (in place of P90X Plyometrics)
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Anonymous said...

My only advice is to take it one day at a time. You're strong, so I know you can do it. Good luck!

Megan said...

I've found that going to classes at a gym works best for me. This way I actually get a full hour workout in instead of working out with Jillian Michaels for 20 minutes and then plopping back down on the couch ;) I joined a yoga studio about 4 months ago and I still love it! You just gotta find something you enjoy doing and you'll keep going back. You can do it! Good luck!

Lauren said...

You can do it! Stay focused and try to remember that its not the number on the scale, or on the tag of your clothes, its your HEALTH and how you feel. The other stuff will come.

Anonymous said...

Oh girl, I can identify with what you'e going through. It is a daily struggle for me as well and I have to make a conscience effort to make healthy choices. This year I've made a lot of changes for my health (cutting out wheat and gluten, adding juicing) and have started back on an intense workout plan. I haven't weighed myself in a year but I know that I'm a lot healthier, inside and out and am feeling great. I definitely know what you're going through and look forward to your posts. It is a personal journey but I will be here every step of the way!

Kelly @ turned UP to ELEVEN! said...

Ladies - thank you ALL! I really, really appreciate your comments and advice!!! oxox

sarah said...

You can totally do this! Working out is great and super important but so are your eating habits. Watch your portions and what time you eat, among other things.

(Truth: I'm putting that advice out into the universe so I remember to follow it. This baby weight isn't going to lose itself, you know?)

Carolyn said...

I'm right there with you! I just started (today was day 1) Insanity, and after 3 months of not working out... I can definitely feel it! :)

Anonymous said...

Good luck with your P90x adventure! I'm looking forward to hearing about it!! You can do it!

Georgina Castellucci said...

It's never to late to start again and it takes a lot of courage to tell people that you are (and share all that you did.) So I definitely commend you! Your newest follower xo

Lora said...

you are gorgeous at any number, and you are one of the most motivated people I know (I think it's because your rewards are fun, like food and booze. Not stupid, like a manicure or a new book). Sure you hit a point that you don't love. it happens to all of us.

You are a newlywed, and I don't trust anyone who doesn't get a little bigger after their wedding. The saying "fat and happy" is crude, but there is so much truth in it!

You can and you will come down again. Until then, know that you are loved by so many people!

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