friday confessional

Well here we are folks, it's Friday again! I'm very, very excited about this. It's been a long week, but let's not waist anymore time! I'm linking up with the lovely Leslie today @A Blonde Ambition blog for her Confessional Fridays. I've got to let it out!

Confessional Friday {Link Up}

Here goes...

I CONFESS ... That I had no idea how much support I would have gotten from Tuesday's post. You gals and guys are the bees knees. Thank you so much for your comments, your emails and your Facebook messages. You really know how to make a girl who feels down on herself feel better.

I CONFESS... after getting all that support I felt less depressed about my 200 lbs confession, and more empowered. Thanks blog buddies!

I CONFESS ... Wednesday I had a horrible, horrible meal for lunch. Instead of the sushi I had planned to eat (small portion, healthy salad, water) I instead ended up at a Meat n' Three joint because we had not time to go anywhere else. It was that or fast food. Looking back I should have picked fast food (smaller portions, better healthy choices) because chicken ain't on my diet plan unless it's grilled and this was the COMPLETE opposite of that.

I CONFESS ... I've taken to drinking a ton of water every day and it's making me feel amazing. I've always been a big water drinker but now I'm a bit more focused about it. Mike and I have been loading up jugs with ice for our water every morning together. He hasn't said it but I've noticed him taking to some healthier habits lately. Not sure if he's just trying to be more healthy or softening the blow for me with all the changes we're making.

I CONFESS ... I missed my workout on Wednesday. After eating that horrible meal the last thing I needed was to sit on my ass, but honestly it's all I felt I could do. That meal made me miserable. Bad food is hitting me harder these days. I try to eat relatively well, and when I have one bad, fried, fatty meal, all I want to do is sleep. I'm happy I've noticed this trend. I don't like it and don't want to continue doing it.

I CONFESS... I'm excited to go see Expendables II. Most of you ladies that read this might have no idea what I'm talking about. In a nutshell, all the bad ass dudes from all the bad ass action flicks over the years are in one movie, together and it's a sequel to the first movie that was the same concept. The kicker - this one has Chuck Norris AND Bruce Willis. Color me stoked.

I CONFESS ... I enjoyed watching the Campaign this past weekend. It was so hilarious in the first part. I was literally crying and couldn't hold in my loud laugh. But I was disappointed toward the end. It went from zero to 60 to get you into the movie and it was like they hit a switch and said "Oh yeah, we're supposed to tell a story, not just tell dick and fart jokes the whole time. I'm all for story but keep me laughing during the story please.

I CONFESS ... I'm so ready for SEC football to start I could bust. I'm ready to see what my team is made of this year!!! (ROLL TIDE!)

I hope you all have a great weekend. I will be getting off work, heading home, jumping right into my workout and hopefully enjoying some front porch happy hour time with Mike before the sun goes down!

Happy weekend!!!

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WOTD: Turbo 30 - (Since I missed a workout on Wednesday, I moved it to last night, I don't want to double up strength training in two days so I will sub today's P90X workout, tomorrow and tomorrows Cardio today - makes perfect sense right?)

Day One... again.

Well world, here I am again, back to square one. I have debated for a while about writing this entry but I feel I owe it to myself, and my readers to be honest. I haven't been very honest with myself lately when it comes to my weight. I kept telling myself it was all under control, but I was wrong. I will add a disclaimer to this post right now, readers please note that when I state my weight, or complain about it, it's A) extremely hard for me to admit to everyone and B) If I state my weight, and you weigh more than me, I am by no means saying anything negative about you. All of this talk is the opinion of myself, on my own body.

Now that I have that said, here I sit, larger than I have ever been in my entire life. I can recall when I moved to Florida years ago, I ballooned up from eating nothing but chicken wings and fast food. At that time I was the largest I had ever been. Looking back, I was 20+ lighter than I am now. Once I moved home, my lifestyle changed, my diet changed and the weight came right off. Oh to have a 20 something's metabolism again.

I'm by no means a yo-yo dieter. I don't go to extremes. Well, I guess I do if you count eating whatever I want and not paying attention to my waistband getting too tight, I do go to extremes. I don't consider myself an emotional eater. It's rare that I gorge myself on anything. I don't fast, I don't do crazy diet plans. OK that's a slight lie, I tried the South Beach Diet and all but puked pea green soup on everyone. I am convinced when my ex offered me pizza one night my head spun completely around as I yelled at him "I can't have pizza dammit!!!"

So here I am, almost 10 years later in the same position. I'm much happier in my life, very successful, and in a great relationship, but my eating habits have been left then totally right. Last year, and the year before I got on the P90X bandwagon and saw results, but because they weren't as quick as I wanted, I gave up, got bored and moved on. I tried TurboFire and loved it, but again, got bored, moved on. I even did ChaLean Extreme, and yes, loved it. Are you sensing a pattern? Thankfully through all of this, I realize that keeping things new, exciting and enjoyable are a key to my working out.

I titled this Day One... again, because this is probably about the fifth time I've written a blog exactly like this. Here, at my other old fitness blog, on LiveJournal and on Sparkpeople.com. I am trying really hard to hold myself accountable for my actions, and I figured being honest here was the first step. A second step is having a workout buddy. My best friend from middle/high school and I are in this together. While we are miles apart, but thanks to technology we have the ability to check in everyday, hold each other accountable for our workouts and do to this together. She is already fit as hell, and doesn't need this, but having her in my corner helps me.  My other friends all look amazing. All of them have at least 2 kids each and look like a million dollars. They all work hard to look the way they look, and I want to get in the swing of things, before having children so that when I have one of my own, I can already have healthy habits to help my lifestyle.

Today marked the first day of working out again after a very long hiatus. So long that I think the last time I seriously worked out was right before my wedding (nearly 10 months ago). I've decided to start with the P90X program again, only this time switching up some of the cardio with TurboFire (I'm not a huge fan of Plyometrics, and neither are my knees - and the Cardio X sort of gets on my nerves too. I hope with using the cardio portions as a way to add some variety I won't get bored as easily. I also want to try to start jogging. Once the weather here starts to cool off mind you - I'm not trying to have a heat stroke.

I plan on posting here a lot about my ups, downs and my triumphs. I hope you will join me in this journey. I have to make changes in my life that stick, and keeping myself accountable.

I guess I'll be honest, the thing that made me hit this choice was simple... I stepped on the scale the other day and for the first time in my life it read 200 lbs. Like I stated in the disclaimer, me having an issue with my size is purely personal, so if I ever start getting down on myself PLEASE know I'm talking about me, not anyone else on this earth. 200 lbs is a lot for my 5'6" frame. I hide it fairly well. I like to claim it's all in my boobs, butt and thighs. Hot right? Well, to be honest it's my entire trunk, and while I have an hour glass figure, I also have a bit of a beer gut (see also: donuts/sweets/cakes/pies/tacos/chickenwings - you get the idea).

This weight is my breaking point. I'm tired of crying when nothing fits when we prepare to go out on the town. I'm tired of finding something that "will do" or is "OK" to wear. I want to feel confident again, in my own skin... less of my own skin.

So here I am, speaking out, telling the truth and taking the first step to the rest of my life. Day one, again.

If you made it this far, thanks for listening. Any suggestions, advice or information you have is greatly appreciated. If you'd like to find me on Sparkpeople.com drop me an email and I'll let you know my screenname on there - the more help/support the better! I will be working out with my P90X hybrid, counting calories with sparkpeople.com and being as active as possible.

Thanks for taking time to read all this!
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Workout: Turbo Fire 45 EZ (in place of P90X Plyometrics)