this means war!

Straw 1:
As some of you know for the past few days we've been dealing with and unwanted and very unwelcome visitor under our house. I'm convinced it is a cat. At first we thought it may be the one random raccoon we've seen galavanting around our neighborhood (and is he ever cute), but after further disturbance and noises we've determined that we do indeed have a cat under our house.

The weather here has started to warm up a bit (read: from the teens to the 20's and 30's) - in which case I would assume this cat would want to venture out and move on. Last night during dinner we heard the cat make a loud, violent noise again under the house. June, our dog, of course goes NUTS (her bark makes my ears ring). Why is that damn cat still under there... my guess is that all the violent noise is actually a momma cat giving birth to kittens. GREAT! If this is the case I feel for the mother and I want this to be handled as humanely as possible. Even if it wasn't a mother cat I'd feel the same way. Something has to be done. I fear it is either a mother cat or a cat that has gotten stuck and can't get out. I think that if the cat had no ties to the house he or she would have already moved on by now.  (Note: I started this post yesterday and this morning the cat sounded happy and friendly Meow, Meow, Meow - crap is she talking to her kittens now?!?!?)

Straw 2:
We've also been having issues with the heat in our home. Don't get me started... it's a rental and it seems like since we've moved in the house, while we love it, has been nothing but a thorn in our side, and we've been a thorn in our landlords side. I'm sorry, but if I'm paying to rent your house - your butt needs to be there to fix it. To his credit, he has, a lot and at all hours of day or night. We've had plumbing disasters, and other issues (we won't go into what I shoved down the garbage disposal - it's another blog entirely). I'm hoping that when we pass our 6 months of living here mark the kinks will be all worked out. The previous renters didn't take care of this place at all.

Now that I'm off topic I'll get back to business - the heat is messed up. Our maintenance man, I'll call him Schneider because I've always wanted a Schneider in my life. (If you've never watched One Day at a Time you're dead to me, seriously watch it). That was harsh and I apologize I have the crimson wave monster this week. Exhibit A below:

Schneider From One Day at a Time via google
OH how I wish our maintenance man Mike looked like this when he arrived!

So Schneider comes by yesterday and looks over our heating unit and talks with M. He informs us he has to talk with the heating and air guys that our landlord deals with and they'll get started. If they need M or I present he'll call. We get no call, when we get home we still have bobo (my word for generic) heat. (We've been using the floor unit to heat the whole house I'm going to vomit when I see our utility bill this month I know it!) Thank goodness we have the floor heater or we'd be frozen.  Schneider calls M and lets him know that they will be there today at 8:00 AM. (We left the house at 8:00 AM and we didn't see a peep of the repair men).

All this leads back to the cat under the house.  They will probably have to check under the house if the unit isn't the issue and the duct work is. They said they will call animal control if needed.  I should have just called already - I know this but I was hoping the little bugger would come out on his own. I have decided that if I hear the cat tonight and nothing has been done I am calling Animal Control first thing in the morning tomorrow. I want the cat out, I want to stop being woken up at 2:00 AM by my dog barking her head off due to hearing noises and I want the sanity of knowing the little bugger is safe and sound and not stuck dying under my house. (Not to mention if he/she dies I'll feel horrible and it will SMELL horrible!!!) My only saving grace right now is that it's winter, not steamy, hot, air thick as mayo summer here in the South.

FINAL STRAW:
All of this leads me to the WAR part of my post. This morning upon leaving for work I walk out the front door and notice M is dusting off the porch furniture. We have a nice little couch and chair set out there for enjoying the weather in the summer months (that is only a few months old). I ask him what it is, and he says fur. I had noticed some fur on the couch before and dismissed it - this morning there was more fur and a bit of a smell. (Note: I'm sick - I can't smell anything - not my shampoo in the AM, or my favorite perfume, again another blog entirely), I can't taste food but I could get a wiff of this mess and I was livid). Someone's freaking outdoor cat/stray has decided to take up residence at night on our porch and has decided that rubbing on the couch to claim it as his own is not enough, no he had to SPRAY the F**KING thing!!!  I'm a cat lover, I love my cat, I love my friend's cats - I however do not love WILD CATS, OUTDOOR CATS or STRAY CATS!!! (Ok - that's harsh I am ok with wild and stray and outdoor cats if they aren't on my property or my porch - ONLY CHILD SYNDROME WHAT?). In the words of Kourtney Kardashian, "This isn't cute" and it's not cool.

SIDE STORY:
We had a stray cat come to visit us at our old house. This kitten was the cutest thing ever and I would have kept him - but I found out quickly he was actually our neighbor's kitten, and there were two of them. Fluffy and sweet. Their names were Simba and Timba (it said so on their collars). They would actually greet M and I when we returned home. Hoping over to us and jumping over the tall grass that lined our walk way. Cutest. Things. Ever! One night we found the one kitten on our front porch. M quickly took him back to the neighbors porch and put him back up with his brother in the make shift cat corral they had made for them. Simba was determined to come hang with us, Timba, not so much. Finally after 3 tries I scooped him up and made him a small bed on our back porch. I gave him water but no food. I know that if you feed a cat once they are bound to come back. I was actually rather annoyed with my neighbors. If you're going to have a cat, especially a kitten it should be inside. We had a few outdoor cats in that little neighborhood that never came near our house - probably because June would have barked her ass off and freaked them out if they came near the circle or our jeeps. Unless you live on a farm and have lots of land the cat should be inside, all pets should be inside - like I said my opinion. I have no understanding of purchasing a dog or cat to keep them outdoors. Needless to say this sweet little cat stayed the night with us on our back porch. It was screened in and I went to check on him at 4 AM there he was just purring and meowing for me. Angus, our cat had been standing watch most of the night on the kitchen counter, probably cussing Simba up one side and down the other. Angus doesn't share well, at all. The next morning, we returned Simba to his front porch. Truth be told I should have kept him but I could tell by Angus' behavior he would not have been happy. Angus is hardcore, or TUFF as he likes to tell us.

A few months later we didn't see or hear from the kittens anymore. My hope is that they became inside pets and not road kill. We lived in a little circle away from traffic but cars still flew up our road. I'd be crushed to know that they didn't make it.

This cat on our porch could be as cute as these guys but honestly that little f**ker wore out his welcome when he pissed on my furniture!!! M intends to scrub the cushion but I don't think that's going to work. After the cat under the house has been handled I'm calling in the big guns. Critter Ridder. Yes, you read that right the name made me laugh when I heard M tell me about it. But it's real. (If you have ever used this stuff any insight you have on the product would be greatly appreciated).

via www.havahart.com

I want to be sure this won't hurt June since she's outdoors in the backyard but I definitely want to use this around the perimeter of our fence (outside) and the front of our yard. I'm also sick and tired of people walking their dogs around the corner (we have a big corner lot) and allowing their animals to piss and poo in my yard!!! I might sound like an old woman but M and I have worked really hard to make the yard and home look nice and I don't need these animals messing it up. I also mind you moved from a townhouse development that had a rule if you didn't clean up your dogs doo doo you got fined. I wish I could enforce that in my neighborhood. It's bad enough we have to clean up June's poo in our back yard I'm not cleaning up Rover's crap in my front yard.

Needless to say - I don't wish harm on any animal so I want to read the label to this first etc. Bottom line is I want these animals OUT of my yard. This yard is for me, my boyfriend, our pets and our friends - END OF STORY!

UPDATE: The heating and air guys finally showed up this morning and they have figured out a source of our heat issues. We warned them about the cat under the house and hopefully they will be able to scare it out and or call Animal Control. If not we will call Animal Control in the AM. I hate missing work for this stuff but it must be done. I want to know this cat is safe and warm and if it did have kittens that they will have a fighting chance and get a loving home. We have a great no kill organization here in town and I believe they are the ones that get first dibs on these animals once they've been caught/analyzed and cleared for adoption. *FINGERS CROSSED*

Now as for the little f**ker on my porch... this is a to be continued tale.

I'm starting to feel a bit better - more energy but I'm still in a grumpy mood. Bitter party of one your table is now ready!