I haven't written here much lately, even with all the different words I've wanted to say. The past two years have taken a toll on our family. It's tough without you, there is no denying that. Long roads with battles, and recoveries, long roads with loss and pain. We find ways to fill our days, and our hearts but the hole is always there.
There is faith, and praise, there is laughter and tears. We have waves of emotion and moments of celebration, but in the entirety of it all, we miss you John Oubre.
You were always the light in any room, even on your darkest days. On days you didn't want attention, we know you still needed it deep down. Walks in the dark, smiles in the light - you always expressed your love to all.
"And he just gives his love, he just gives it away...
the love he receives is the love that is saved." - Pearl Jam
I can only imagine the celebrations we would have had this weekend on your 30th birthday, if you were still with us. Some dear friends told me today that they would have probably played a prank on you. That you were always a bright spot in their hearts and still to this day in their minds.
Others told me how much their babies miss you as well.
I know your family misses you, more than I could express for them.
So on this 30th year of what would have been the rest of your adult life I need you to know how much I miss you, personally.
I miss your smile.
I miss your laughter.
I miss the laughter you made other people have, with your whit and your charm.
I miss your forgiving heart.
I miss watching you play with your niece and how you used to rib her and drive her nuts with teasing but you'd hug her and tell her it was all a joke, and eventually... she's smile at you out of the corner of her eye.
I miss watching you with your nephews. Much of the same, ribbing, and joking, rough housing and laughing. You were definitely a big hero for all children.
I miss seeing you with your brothers, and your sisters. Laughing, hugging, playing basketball, playing NCAA Football, roasting marshmallows, scheming, plotting, joking and loving.
I miss being your sister. And while I still am, I just miss you being here. Calling me a "Southern Yankee" and giving me hell for anything you could think of, in a joking way of course. And telling me things like how happy you were that Mike found me, and that we got married.
I miss warning you about certain girls [the not so great ones]. And giving you advice on the good one, even if you probably never took it.
I miss the few mini pep talks and discussions we had on our own.
I miss cooking for you and your girlfriend. And the nights we'd spend joking at the dinner table.
(And just so you know we still refuse to play Words with Friends with your parents! BIG NO on that one!)
I miss watching you and Paden hunt for snakes at the creek for your mom.
I miss watching you talk with your Mom in the kitchen. How you could charm her even when she was a bit upset with you. You always stood in the one corner and would give a side glance with a smile waiting for her to crack and give in.
I miss watching you with your Dad. Even when you didn't see eye to eye, I could still see his pride in you.
I miss seeing you and Jake hanging out together. Patting his head, rubbing his belly and running with him through the yard to play. All dogs go to heaven, and so do great guys. I know you are together today. You have to be.
Most of all I miss you being here - holding us up, filling our hearts and that hole you left behind we will never be able to touch.
You were taken from us too soon - I don't care what anyone says, or about any plans that others have for us in our lives. My personal belief is that you needed more time here on earth. And we needed more time with you! I will forever say, too soon.
Thank you for making the years that I knew you as special as possible - you have touched so many lives and souls, we all just feel a bit lost without you by our sides physically. I know you are always here in spirit.
Thank you for the quick visit today - in my moment of anger, and annoyance - your 'sign' fluttered over my head, did a few circles and took off into the sunshine. It made me smile, I wished you a happy day, dried my eyes and said 'So long for now, but not forever."
You're with me, (us) forever and nothing can take that away.
I miss you, brother. And I love you John Oubre.
Happy Birthday!
I hope they have Snickers Cake in Heaven!
