June 21, 2013

Earning my Southern Citizenship

In my email today I received a cute article from Bourbon and Boots. It was a "completely fabricated test to find out how Southern someone's roots were so I figured I'd take it. Below are my answers.

As some of you may, or may not know I'm a northern transplant. I am originally from the great state of Maryland (most Southerners call me a Yankee, which to be 100% honest, I love it even though technically Maryland is SOUTH of the Mason Dixon line). Bottom line I moved here over eight years ago, and frankly I've adapted myself quite well. My brother-in-law calls me "Southern Yankee" and I've often had friends remark that they are shocked how well I fit in. I guess all those years of reading my mother's Southern Living magazines really paid off, huh?

We’ve had a lot of border states claiming the South lately, and we’ll admit, Southern-ness is largely a state of mind. So how can you know for sure if you’re a Southerner? Take our completely fabricated Southern citizenship test, and see if you make the cut.

You’re a bona fide Southerner if you answer yes all of the following statements. 

If you answer “yes” to all but two or three, don’t worry, we’ll still let you on the porch.

1. Buying alcohol on Sunday is a royal pain in the ass.
YES! It really and truly is. If your religious beliefs make you feel like you can't purchase on a Sunday then by all means DON'T. Let the rest of us sinners have our fun, ok? There's nothing more annoying then drinking a bit too much on a Saturday night and then realizing you left yourself two beers to enjoy on the creek on Sunday.

2. I once parked a car in the backyard for a week, and it was nearly overtaken by kudzu.
No. However I bet if I did, it totally would. Kudzu is no joke, but man is it pretty. [See below one of our engagement shots we are thick in the kudzu.]

I'm really glad I wore boots for our engagement sessions!
3. When it comes to real estate, a pecan tree in the yard is a valuable selling point.
Yes, I can see this being SO true. Either a pecan tree or a magnolia. I'd go for the Magnolia, personally.

4. If everyone is driving very slowly, it must be Sunday.
YES! Or frankly every, single, day of the year! Life is much slower here.

5. My state has a team in the SEC.
ROLL MUTHA' EFF-IN TIDE!!! (That's a yes).
You literally feel the need to join a side when you move to the state of Alabama. I'm just happy I went with my gut and chose according to color and my favorite movie of all time (Forrest Gump). I chose a winner, FO-SHO! And yes, I just admitted how I became loyal to The University of Alabama... I love red, and Forrest Gump played for the Tide. Yes, a fictional character. Hey at least I can name most of the starting line-up in real life people!

6. Gambling. We all do it, we just don’t talk about it.
No. I frankly think gambling is really stupid, but that's probably because I don't have a ton of disposable income and I have no clue how to bet on anything other than the usually "I bet you a dollar I can do this....".

7. If you’re over the age of 7, sugar does not belong on grits.
YES! I agree with this. I like my grits salty and with butter or cheese (or shrimp). Now I'm hungry, great.

8. At least once in my life, I have been the deserving victim of a “whipping” with a “switch” of my own choosing.
No. My mother always used a wooden spoon, must be a "Northern Thing"

9. That fizzy sweet drink is pronounced “coke.” And so is that one.
No. I will stick strong to my northern roots here. When I want something fizzy, I will say "I need a soda." However, if I am wanting a specific soda I will say "I want a Coke." or "Man I could go for a Ginger Ale." Soda is my go to word.

10. At least one member of my household regularly hunts.
No. Now my extended family has a few hunters in the group, [Three brother-in-laws and a father-in-law] but no one in our immediate home does.

11. I have ridden in the back of a pickup truck … as a young child.
YES! But actually I was probably about 22 or 23. The bouncers of a local Country Bar offered to give myself and a few friends a ride back to our hotel after our cab didn't show up. Gotta love it! (And this was in Maryland, thank you very much).

12. There’s unsweet tea, and then there’s regular tea.
Sort of yes. I grew up on sun tea which is not really sweet unless you make it that way which my mother didn't. Sweet Tea was reserved for summers spent in North Carolina. Now you can get it everywhere and it sort of makes it less special. But no one makes sweet tea as well as my Mother-in-Law.

13. I do not live in Oklahoma.
True. And my Northern roots have no idea what this implies.

14. I have seen numerous episodes of “Hee Haw.”
Yes, does it count that I watched them in Pennsylvania? It was always on TV at my grandmother's house and that is the only place I watched it. I was also an avid fan of The Duke Boys.

15. At least one thing in my home is monogrammed.
Yes. However none of these items are ones I purchased for myself. Most were gifts and one I requested that my husband get me for Christmas (my necklace). I truly only love monograms on jewelry, so yeah, you can revoke my "Southern Belle in Training" card for that comment right there.

16. Banana pudding is a requirement at any potluck dinner.
YES! Love the stuff, I would learn to make it but my southern husband hates it so... no need. Again my MIL makes a mean banana pudding.

17. St. Louis-style barbecue does not count.
No. I think all BBQ counts. I'm not BBQ-prejudice in the least, however I'm a "Yankee" what do I know. We make pit beef which is amazing and you have no idea now much it knocks your socks off. I will say though I've learned a ton about BBQ living in the South. Carolina Tangy BBQ Sauce is still my favorite though. Sorry, it's true.

18. The car in front of me has its blinker on. It probably won’t turn any time soon.
Yes! That is if they even use a flipping blinker. Seriously.. it's like one of the FIRST things you learn in drivers ed. Why is it SO hard to use it people?

19. There’s a very important difference between cornbread and hush puppies.
Yes! Both are amazing but totally different.

20. I have seen Graceland, and it was good.
No. I have never been to Graceland. I hear it's amazing but while I appreciate Elvis I can't say I'm gaga over him. I know, Strike 2 with the "Southern Belle Training Card" thing.

SO there you have it... 13 YES's out of 20 Questions - I'm fitting in well but not losing my roots too much. Just ask my husband when I say "Crayon" it comes out as "CROWN" he loves to tease me about it but I beg him to let me keep some of my Maryland roots and how I say things. It's who I am dammit!

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Misty said...

The only real BBQ is Memphis BBQ. And Elvis is King. Duh. :)

Michael Henderson said...

1. Yes. That shit is ridiculous.
2. No. We kept a trimmed yard.
3. Yes/No. I've lived in a couple of houses with them, but I prefer the Magnolia.
4. Yes/No. Is everyone driving completely shitty? Yes? We must be in Florence, Alabama.
5. Yes, University of Alabama.
6. No. Never really understood the appeal.
7. No. Never had sugar on my grits. Just bacon and salt.
8. Yes/No. I was never deserving, but I got them.
9. No. A Diet Dr. Pepper is not a "Coke", its a "Soda".
10. No. Dad and all other brothers do.
11. Yes. Many many times.
12. Yes. But I don't drink sugar drinks anymore, so there's only unsweet tea.
13. No. But my sister is from there.
14. Yes. Used to come on before Star Trek: The Next Generation.
15. No. I would prefer it to stay that way.
16. No. Bananas + Pudding = Gross.
17. Bunyans.
18. No. The car in front of me doesn't have its blinker on, but its going to slam on the brakes and make a sharp turn anyways. See:#4.
19. Yes. One gets served with stews, and chili, the other with catfish. I'm addicted to both like black tar heroin.
20. No. Never been.

Didn't answer too many "Yes", with being from the South, my entire life.

Kari said...

This list is hilarious and very informative for a Yankee like me. I've never heard of kudzu before. Look at all I learned today! Thanks for sharing!

Nicole said...

I'm a new follower and I know a late commenter on this post but I just wanted to say I thought this questionnaire was so cute! I say I'm half southern. Raised in San Diego with mom, dad lives in East Tennessee, went to school at Memphis...luckily I answer yes to most of those questions haha! Love your blog!

Devon said...

This is pretty funny. I'm always really intrigued by the south, but, aside from a few stereotypes, don't really know the details of what it means to be a southerner. Your answers made me laugh and I like that you are adapting, but sticking to your roots :)

Natalie said...

I know I'm late to commenting, but I laughed so freaking hard at most of these.

Who puts sugar on grits? Ew! Even my 7 year old knows better. Load that shiz up with cheese and butter. Or shrimp and bacon. And hot sauce. mmmmmmmm.

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