Your Milestone.

You would have been thirty today. 30 years old. A newly minted "old man." I remember when 30 seemed so old, and here I am on the other side of my 30's. Now I know,  30 isn't old, it's frankly not old enough. Especially when you don't get the chance to gain this milestone in your lifetime.

I haven't written here much lately, even with all the different words I've wanted to say. The past two years have taken a toll on our family. It's tough without you, there is no denying that. Long roads with battles, and recoveries, long roads with loss and pain. We find ways to fill our days, and our hearts but the hole is always there.

There is faith, and praise, there is laughter and tears. We have waves of emotion and moments of celebration, but in the entirety of it all, we miss you John Oubre.

You were always the light in any room, even on your darkest days. On days you didn't want attention, we know you still needed it deep down.  Walks in the dark, smiles in the light - you always expressed your love to all.

"And he just gives his love, he just gives it away... 

the love he receives is the love that is saved." - Pearl Jam

I can only imagine the celebrations we would have had this weekend on your 30th birthday, if you were still with us. Some dear friends told me today that they would have probably played a prank on you. That you were always a bright spot in their hearts and still to this day in their minds.

Others told me how much their babies miss you as well.

I know your family misses you, more than I could express for them.

So on this 30th year of what would have been the rest of your adult life I need you to know how much I miss you, personally.

I miss your smile.

I miss your laughter.

I miss the laughter you made other people have, with your whit and your charm.

I miss your forgiving heart.

I miss watching you play with your niece and how you used to rib her and drive her nuts with teasing but you'd hug her and tell her it was all a joke, and eventually... she's smile at you out of the corner of her eye.

I miss watching you with your nephews. Much of the same, ribbing, and joking, rough housing and laughing. You were definitely a big hero for all children.

I miss seeing you with your brothers, and your sisters. Laughing, hugging, playing basketball, playing NCAA Football, roasting marshmallows, scheming, plotting, joking and loving.

I miss being your sister. And while I still am, I just miss you being here. Calling me a "Southern Yankee" and giving me hell for anything you could think of, in a joking way of course. And telling me things like how happy you were that Mike found me, and that we got married.

I miss warning you about certain girls [the not so great ones]. And giving you advice on the good one, even if you probably never took it.

I miss the few mini pep talks and discussions we had on our own.

I miss cooking for you and your girlfriend. And the nights we'd spend joking at the dinner table.
(And just so you know we still refuse to play Words with Friends with your parents! BIG NO on that one!)

I miss watching you and Paden hunt for snakes at the creek for your mom.

I miss watching you talk with your Mom in the kitchen. How you could charm her even when she was a bit upset with you.  You always stood in the one corner and would give a side glance with a smile waiting for her to crack and give in.

I miss watching you with your Dad. Even when you didn't see eye to eye, I could still see his pride in you.

I miss seeing you and Jake hanging out together. Patting his head, rubbing his belly and running with him through the yard to play. All dogs go to heaven, and so do great guys. I know you are together today. You have to be.

Most of all I miss you being here - holding us up, filling our hearts and that hole you left behind we will never be able to touch.

You were taken from us too soon - I don't care what anyone says, or about any plans that others have for us in our lives. My personal belief is that you needed more time here on earth. And we needed more time with you! I will forever say, too soon.

Thank you for making the years that I knew you as special as possible - you have touched so many lives and souls, we all just feel a bit lost without you by our sides physically. I know you are always here in spirit.

Thank you for the quick visit today - in my moment of anger, and annoyance - your 'sign' fluttered over my head, did a few circles and took off into the sunshine. It made me smile, I wished you a happy day, dried my eyes and said 'So long for now, but not forever."

You're with me, (us) forever and nothing can take that away.

I miss you, brother. And I love you John Oubre.
Happy Birthday!
I hope they have Snickers Cake in Heaven!

I've been away for too long....

My last official post was in January of 2015... since then a lot of things have happened...  Here's a quick rundown - and I plan to do a bit more detail on all of these soon!

Greatest Hits REWIND!

Honorable Mentions I never blogged about: Weezer Show in ATL Dec. 2014 and Pearl Jam in Memphis 2014. Sad I didn't write more about these - I may need to do a concert recap!

APRIL 2015
Took a trip to Denver, Colorado
I witnessed my first show at Red Rocks! [Disco Buscuits]
And one more show at the Filmore!  [The Replacements]
Hit up Record Store Day 2015 in Denver, Colorado and also scored some amazing tacos too!

Mike bought a new ride! His name is "Boom" and he's an awesome Jeep Renegade!

HAD A VERY BUSY JULY 2015
We did US Tour so to speak in July - ever single weekend we were going somewhere and doing something. We put a lot of miles on "BOOM" this month!

Celebrated July 4th, 2015 in Washington, DC with The Foo Fighters and a ton of great bands
AND celebrated FF's 20th Anniversary!

Spent the following weekend in Atlanta with Mike and went to see Anthony Bourdain speak!

Went to the first ever Sloss Fest in Birmingham, AL

Enjoyed a family beach trip to Orange Beach, AL.

AUGUST 2015
I survived my first Whole30 and did 4 more after that!

SEPTEMBER 2015
Started to work out again, take up running and purchased a bike all in the matter of months and stuck with the life style through 2016 and well into 2017.

NOVEMBER 2015
As a family effort we took over Thanksgiving in 2015. Helping out Michael's mom.
We ruled at making Turkey, and a ton of the other sides and were asked to bake the turkey again in 2016. It's amazing what some sibling team work and vodka can accomplish!

New Tattoos - for myself and Mike, and his brothers and father.

Discovered Pre-workout and a love for Rosé.
Not at the same time mind you, or mixed together... just a general statement.

DECEMBER 2015
Celebrated Christmas at our home, having Mike's family over for a change of pace after a long fall (see below).

FEBRUARY 2016
Headed home to Maryland for a weekend to have a late Christmas with my father and friends. Experience a great afternoon in Downtown Frederick for their Fire and Ice Festival! Ice Sculptures and shots for all!

Enjoyed a Chili Contest at our favorite Local Brewery [Singin' River Brewery] - Mike was able to judge. Our favorite didn't win, but they should have!

MARCH 2016
Enjoyed a few weekends of day drankin' on patios downtown and just l-i-v-i-n'!
The weather was so warm we actually took our first kayak trip at the end of March!

APRIL 2016
Enjoyed the final day of our favorite local vinyl store Pegasus Records and Records Store Day all in one. We went all out - spent way too much money, got misty eyed, listened to live bands and got some great items from our friends and favorite music store the Shoals ever had.

Fully ENJOYED JAZZFEST 2016 - Full recap to come. This was an extremely special Pearl Jam concert!

JUNE 2015
Our Town held it's first ever Pride Fest - we were there!

Traveled to Denver, CO again in 2016. We travel to visit my Sister-in-Law and her family.
Hiked a mountain, ate great tacos, went to Red Rocks again! [Jason Isbell + the 400 Unit]

OCTOBER 2016
Hit up the Alabama Vs. Texas A&M 2016 game! ROLL TIDE!
We also celebrated our wedding anniversary that day as well!

Had a fun trip to our favorite part of ATL to meet up with my Bestie from back home!

NOVEMBER 2016
Watched and Election unfold in the way I never thought imaginable.
Let's NOT discuss here, m'kay?

Witnessed quite a few great live shows here at home!
John Paul White • Secret Sisters • The Pollies • Red Mouth • Willodeans • St. Paul and the Broken Bones • Space Tyger • Belle Adair (just to name a few).

DECEMBER 2016
I TURNED 40!!! Holy shit! Michael threw me an epic surprise Birthday party!!!

My office acquired a "work cat" - she showed up at our door cold, and starving and he's been with us every since. He was amply named "Buddy" after Buddy the Elf.

Celebrated Christmas 2016 in Maryland with my dad and Friends!

MARCH 2017
Finally watched Big Little Lies and was instantly hooked!
I'm also obsessed with the soundtrack on Spotify (Thanks Hutch!)

And watched a ton of other shows: Newest notes: Riverdale, iZombie and 13 Reasons Why.
I loved them all - I'm a bit more addicted to television than I'd like to admit.

Didn't celebrate St. Patrick's Day like we had hoped...

APRIL 2017
Discovered a love for puzzles.

MAY 2017
Witnessed Soundgarden for the first, and sadly last time in my life.
Losing Chris Cornell in the music world is a bit unreal to me.

Celebrated a 2nd, successful year of the John Oubre for Antiqua Charity Golf Tournament.
It's hard work, but worth it to raise money for a cause he was passionate about.

My father moved from Maryland here to Alabama to be closer to me and Michael. I think he's enjoying it so far!

JUNE 2016
Discovered Wine in a Can = Life is Good!

And the Hardest Struggles: REWIND!

AUGUST 2015:
Dealt with the biggest loss I've felt since losing my mother, in losing Mike's younger brother John Oubre. The family will never be 100%, he was too important to all of us. We are all still taking this day by day, even though the event happened in 2015. Sometimes you just can't fix a hole in your heart, especially when someone left such a large tear when they left. I've been struggling with a post to honor him for almost two years now. I'm almost there, and hope to share, soon.

FEBRUARY / MARCH 2017:
Also dealt with the joy of discovering I was pregnant this past February. After a little over a year of trying. That excitement was shortly followed by the loss of this joy, due to an ectopic pregnancy and emergency surgery. I have a lot to say about this journey as well, but I will have to complete my post.

------

These past few years have been filled with ups and downs. Most of which I do want to write a detailed post about, so please be patient.

If you're still here after my long hiatus, thanks for sticking around, it's nice to have you back, and to be back!

four years.

Four years ago, seems like only yesterday.

Four years ago, I said good-bye to my mother, over the phone before she passed away.

Four years ago, I had wished she didn't have the Do Not Resuscitate order in her will.

Four years ago, I felt selfish, then I felt ashamed.

Four years ago, I realized not being resuscitated was her wish, and her hope.

Four years ago, I realized peace was better than prolonging her condition.

Four years ago, I cried.

Four years ago, I realized I wasn't the 19 year old she left behind in search of love and happiness. But instead the 32 year old woman who was old enough to stand on her own two feet and let go of pointless disappointment.

Four years ago, I realize all the petty things I thought were SO important were nothing compared to her life, and her love.

Four years ago, I forgave her, for all the horribly stupid things I was holding in anger about.

Four years ago, I hoped she forgave me too.

Four years ago, she left me forever.

For years ago, I wrote this blog on myspace for my mother... and today on the anniversary of her passing, I wanted to share it. For posterity. For myself. For my memories.

***

April 3, 2008

I said good-bye to my mother today. I told her I loved her for the last time. I hate that it was over the phone - I hate that I’ve been so far away, for all these years. I try not to dwell on regrets they will only drive me mad, but I have to beat myself up just a little bit. All the years of resentment have now disappeared, all the years of anger, vanished into thin air... all that is left is a sense of helplessness. Why my mother, why now? Why ever? I know that death is a part of life, but this isn’t a part I was ready to play.

My mother was always my best friend. Somewhere between the divorce and separation, the friendship never died, it just changed. I wish I could rewind time, but I can’t. I know she knew that I loved her, I just wish she realized how much. I will always think of her as my role model. I’m going to be so lost without her.

I take comfort in knowing I spent time with her last week, quality time. I take comfort in knowing she’s at peace, no longer in pain, and no longer having to fight because she thinks that’s what we all would want. I find comfort that she will find comfort in her family’s arms when she arrives. I find comfort in knowing she won’t be alone anymore. I know that our family... our friends and most importantly people she never met in person (my best friend's father, my dear friend Malcolm and countless other friends and people I’ve known can come up to her and say... You don’t know me... but I know your daughter, and she always told me wonderful things about you... I’m here). I wish I could be the one to be there with her when she passed - I’ll live with this forever that I wasn’t... but I don’t know if I could have handled that... but again I’ll kick myself for it. There’s no way I could have known, but still.... I will live with it.

I told my mom everything I never got to say today... I told her all my feelings and that I hoped she could understand. 

It’s storming outside, in my mind it helps me to smile, knowing it’s my mother... up there... raising hell.

Thank you everyone for all your kind thoughts, words, prayers and support. Without you... I’d be lost!

In Loving Memory: Aurora, CO

Today I was going to round out the week with my final post for Leslie @ Blonde Ambition's Celebrating Southern week. I had my entry all ready to post, but I have changed my mind. I love my town and today's subject was what makes your region great. I realized I could sum it up in one thought. The reason I am here in this region is because of my husband. I moved here to be with him 7 years ago, after only dating for less than 6 months. He is the reason I continue to stay here. I love it here, and I love him. Wherever he is, feels like home to me. So there you have it, why I think my region is the best.
******
All day today I haven't been able to get the tragedy that happened in a theater in Aurora, CO last night during the midnight viewing of The Dark Knight Rises out of my head. My heart is heavy and I am in shock. So many innocent people were injured, and killed. It's hard to put into words what is flashing through my mind. My thoughts and prayers are with the families effected by this horrible act. I hope you take time today to appreciate your loved ones and take a moment to think of those hurt, and effected by this event.

via

friday link-up

via entertainment realm

HE WAS ALWAYS MY FAVORITE: It's Friday!!! And until lunch today it was a seemingly happy go lucky day for me... then I got the news... Rapper, Adam Yauch aka MCA of the Beastie Boys passed away today.  My heart is so heavy right now. I've loved him since I discovered the Beasties in 5th grade. "Fight For Your Right To Party" was in heavy rotation in my school, and to be quite honest, still is today on my iPod. Just yesterday I was listening to "Ill Communication" in my Jeep. I have always kept a Beastie Boy CD in my disc changer, they've been my favorite rap act for as long as I can remember and frankly MCA, was my favorite rapper of all time (Sorry B.I.G. it's true). Adam, you have been an excellent example of what hard work, talent and selfless giving can do for the world. You are still and inspiration to us all. And in closing I will say what I always say in these circumstance, F-Cancer!

Now that I got that off my chest I will move on to something a bit more light hearted and hit up my Random Friday Musings and Confessions for the week.

Linking up with Leslie over at A Blonde Ambition Blog for her Friday Confessionals!

• I have only worked out ONE day this week. One day... that's sad. Especially since my schedule is supposed to be 6 days a week. (And because I will then bitch in the AM when I have to squeeze into my jeans). I'm not sure if I'm getting bored with TurboFire or if my mind is just getting more and more clever about talking me out of getting my workout on to bust my butt. Frankly, I don't have any motivation this time around like I did last year {my wedding}. This year I don't have plans to hit the beach, and I won't need a reason for a smaller size until Christmas when I have to squeeze my bigger booty into the snowboarding pants I haven't rocked since 2005! Lord help me when that day comes. I also figure if I am in better shape... snowboarding won't beat me up as bad as it would if I went right this second.

• Mike is currently hooked more than ever on podcasts - and now has me hooked too. My favorite is the Nerd-ist podcasts with Christ Hardwick. We've also been getting into Kevin Smith's podcasts. Everyday I reveal more of my inner dork. I'm thankful my husband is ok with that.

• Speaking of inner dork... May the 4th be with you. If you don't get it, it's OK.

• I'm newly obsessed with a new beauty product. Well it's new to me but not new to the beauty world. It's not like me to get excited about cosmetics, other than lip gloss. I will do a write up about it next week. It's changed my morning routine, at least in the make-up department.

• In honor of Leslie, I might have to cave today and have a ceremonial weekend Coca Cola. It's been a while... then again, if I do I'll have total guilt if I don't work out. I have to workout today, darn it!!!

And lastly I am linking up with Shana at Fumbling Towards Normalcy for Random Musings Friday!

• We are still "home" shopping for a new rental but it's starting to become bleak. We looked at a townhome community. They aren't really townhouses exactly more like larger, 2 story apartments shoved together. Everything seemed A-OK. We figured we could make most of our items we own fit, there is a swimming pool, a tennis court and possibly a fitness room {score}... as we left we started talking hopeful about moving in there. Rent would be less, we'd have some great amenities and there was no doubt the utilities would be less... then we read the information about the deposit. Not only was the pet deposit NON-REFUNDABLE, but it was also $500 PER PET!!! Did you read that right? PER PET!!! That's $1,000 we'd never get back. I don't know about you but I'm NOT in the market of tossing out $1,000! So the search continues. We are contemplating purchasing a home now... can you tell how left and right we are about all this stuff?

• I'm currently trying to lighten up our dinners each evening. Last night we had grilled chicken salads. We are usually a meat and potatoes kind of home but when I started P90X ages ago we switched up to more rice, and lighter sides with potatoes being a treat and what not. We don't eat a ton of red meat, mostly chicken, fish and pork. After the holidays all this fell by the wayside so I'm trying to get back in the swing of better eating. Last night's salad was topped with some homemade dressing and while this dressing wasn't the lightest thing in the books it was delicious and inspired me to be more active in making my own dressing from now on. I found the recipe via pinterest, but here is a link to find it for yourself... it's SO GOOD! It's a rip off the Spaghetti Factory's version of Creamy Basil Dressing from Sweet Savory Life! Note: I added pepper, and some fresh grated garlic cloves to mine for some more ZING!

• I recently discovered how to search what people have pinned from your blog and my findings were really helpful. Knowing that most people enjoy my recipes makes me want to blog about them more. This discovery also made me think twice about images that I post here due to the fact that someone had pinned an image of my mother and I when I was a baby... and labeled it with "Sasha" and placed it into a folder call "Characters". Am I wrong to be just a bit creeped out by this? I commented on the photo to ask about it but I haven't heard back. If you're curious about what people have pinned form your blog simply use this URL: pinterest.com/source/###### add in your blog's URL where the ### is. And bam, you can see what people have pinned and said about your blog! I hope you don't find anything as creepy as I did.

• At my job I have to do some hands on design work from time to time. I got to go to a photoshoot this week and it was extremely fun. I also got to sample our subject which was sushi and Japanese food from a local restaurant. I could totally get used to this.

• Also at my job... I have to do some stuff I never thought I'd have to do after I graduated college. I've been having to mount posters on foam core for clients and I HATE IT.  Although with each passing job I'm starting to get better at it with each attempt. When I was in school it would cause me to sweat and freak out. I had to get it JUST right or my teacher would give me a horrible grade. Now I guess it's a bit easier if I mess up we have TONS of huge sheets of foam core. Bottomline I like being hands on, but that's a bit much for me.

Well that's it, that's all, that's all there is - Beastie Boys

I hope you all have a great weekend. I hope to be front porchin' it tonight, as well as hopefully kayaking in the creek weather provided tomorrow. Getting a bit of sun, with SPF 30 protection of course and if I'm lucky enough maybe sipping a homemade margarita and noshing on some homemade guac in honor of Cinco de Mayo! AND, we're totally hitting up the theatre to see THE AVENGERS!!! Captain America, here we come!!! HAPPY WEEKEND! R.I.P. MCA! ox

dreaming.

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. To most it's just another day off work but to me it is a day to honor a man I've looked up to since the day I learned about him in school. I always reflect on his wise words in the speech he gave on August 28, 1963 in Washington, DC. I don't have much to say other than the fact that he will always be a hero of mine and his words still ring true and while much has been done to make his dream come true we still have a long way to go, in my opinion.

via ABC News

I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.


I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."


I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood.


I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.


I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.


I have a dream today.


I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers.


I have a dream today.


I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.


This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.


This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

no words.

There are no words I can say to truly describe how I'm feeling today. It's been 10 years since all our lives as Americans were changed forever. My thoughts and prayers are with the families touched by this day, and in the end that means all of us. We may not have all lost someone we loved but we have all been changed.

Take some time today to reflect on all the good in your world, hold a loved one and tell them how much they mean to you.

Most of all - thank the great men and women in service positions and our armed forces for helping us when we are down and protecting us daily.

September 11th will forever be with us, and it's up to us to make sure no one ever forgets and that we always stand strong together as a nation.

yesterday.

Yesterday, April 3, 2011. Yesterday marked the three year anniversary of your passing. I didn't cry. I thought about it, but I didn't. I think your birthday this month always hits me much harder than the day of your passing. Instead of crying, I tried to fill my day with happy thoughts and busy projects to keep me going. I realize now that's how I've spent most of the past three years, keeping busy and trying not to think too hard about the pain. I know it isn't healthy and I know it probably isn't right. You always did say I was more like my father in that respect. In the end I want to remember the good times we had, not the pain or the bad times or even the moments when you were at your weakest. To me you've always been an incredibly strong woman and I want that vision fresh in my memory at the forefront. I miss you more than I can convey in words. We eat lunch together everyday, you and I, and Mike in the dining room. When I sit at the table I inherited from you I take time to glance up into the glass secretary cabinet where I keep all things fragile, sacred and important. You sit in a special urn next to images from your wedding day and of your aunts, my "grandmothers" and my brass baby shoes. It's sad to think that is all that is left of you, but comforting to know you are close to me not just in spirit but in an actual tangible form.

It's been hard not having your near. I can't even tell you how many times I have had questions and wanted to call you, celebrated milestones or even watched shows like 'Say Yes to the Dress' and been angry at the girls fighting with their loved ones over a dress, then I realize that when that day comes for me, I won't have a loved one to fight with. Possibly only friends or Dad. Then I realize that might be a good thing - do you remember all the times I was a bitchy brat about prom dresses? In the end I'd rather have you there to bicker over the way the dress falls on my body than not have you there at all. This is the stuff that I think about, funny huh?

I miss you mom. Every single day. I want you to know that even though I laughed a lot yesterday while I floated down the creek in my kayak with friends and sipped on frozen beverages. I thought of you. I looked up in the sky every so often and thought of you.

I love you and wish I had you near but I know you are safe, free of pain or heartbreak and at peace, at last.

In loving memory of my mother, Marjorie.

dare to dream.

I don't want to talk about football today [although I'm extremely excited about it], I want to talk about something more important. An important man is celebrated today and I really don't think I could put it any better than I did last year. So at the risk of seeming a bit lazy this morning, I want to give a link to my post on this topic last year. Martin Luther King, Jr. will always be a huge role model to me. He was an amazing man. Remember him today for all he was, all he did and all he remains to be to each of us that live with a dream in our hearts and love in our souls.

REMEMBERING A DREAM

in loving memory of lisa

via google

I will be the first to admit that I've been busy. I haven't had time to read any blogs and I haven't written any blogs myself. Life has moved so quickly and most of it has passed me by. This morning while taking a moment to read through some favorite blogs during a brief coffee break, I discovered some disturbing news, the amazing Lisa at Bumpkin On A Swing had been ill. I felt horrible for not knowing this sooner, and for not being able to keep up with not only her travels and goings on, but her battle as well. Lisa had always been an amazing woman in my eyes. Full of spunk, love, kinds words and encouragement for all. Never once did I realize how much she was dealing with in her personal life. And I truly hate that. She was always so encouraging and selfless, and it breaks my heart to hear of her passing.

Reading her loving friend Trish's words let me know how loved Lisa was. I only knew her via the internet but her friendship via the blog universe, and emails leads me to believe that this thing we all have here together is much larger and more important than we know. We are each others support systems and for that I am forever grateful.

I didn't get to tell Lisa how much I adored her, and loved to hear from her. I wish I would have had the chance, to have taken the moment to stop by her blog before her passing, but I didn't get to. I will hold that with me for a lifetime. So I want to say to each of you how much I appreciate you, your support, your love and your thoughts and I want you to know that even if I am late to stopping by your blog that you are in my thoughts, always. This relationship we all have is a real one, one of friendship, support and love, even if we don't know each other face to face and in the flesh. Thank you for all you do for me, and I hope I return that to you as well.

Please keep Lisa's family, friends, her Captain and loved ones in your thoughts and prayers.

Lisa I will be thinking of you, praying for your family. You were an amazing woman, one I looked up to and will continue to do in your memory. ox

my rainbow in the dark

I woke up this morning in a foul mood, and for no reason. I had an amazing weekend and I couldn't put my finger on this grumpy state I was in... that is until I read the news this morning.

One of my all time favorite metal singers Ronnie James Dio was found dead in his home Sunday. Literally I have a knot in my throat. I'm not handling all my heroes passing well at all. Granted he was 67 years old, but that is how old my father is. I shouldn't get so worked up over a celebrity that I've never met but this man was a rock god and one I will miss more than I can say.

Wendy Dio wrote this on her husband's website:
"Today my heart is broken. Many, Many friends and family were able to say their private goodbyes before he peacefully passed away."

Twisted Sister guitarist, Jay Jay French had this to say about Dio:
"He possessed one of the greatest voices in all of heavy metal and had a heart to match it."

I would have to agree 100% with Jay Jay French.

*** UPDATE INFORMATION BELOW A TRUE TRIBUTE TO DIO***

Rest in peace Dio, you will be missed beyond your wildest imagination.

 Dio via Google - Throwing Horns

UPDATE: For those of you that know who Dio is and enjoy a good laugh. I give to you For Dio: The Only Appropriate Tribute from Cracked.com

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there - both of human babies and fur babies!

Today I remember my own mother who in my eyes and my heart is the best mother God ever gave a child. I miss her dearly everyday but I know she's smiling down on me. I hope I'm making you proud mom - I couldn't be the woman I am today without a mom or role model like you.

Mom & I in Williamsburg - I love her top, she was always SO stylish.

Mom and Me circa the late 1970's

This is my favorite picture of us together. My mother was blonde through most of my childhood this is when she was still keeping it real - although she made a beautiful blonde. I however don't have that luck with light hair. I wish I had more recent images scanned of the two of us, my mom was one hot lady. Full of spunk and comedy. Forget Stiffler's Mom, or Stacy's Mom - my mom was the woman that had it going on! I love you mom and miss you every day!ox

I hope you all take time to appreciate the mothers in your life - be them blood related or otherwise. I have many friends who's parents have adopted me and I'm so thankful for Mike's parents his mother and father have truly made me one of the family and I will be forever grateful for the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th moms in my life.

Give all your mom's a big hug for me and because you love her today!

I've been busy most of today so I haven't had heavy thoughts but instead smiles and not tears, yet. With each day it gets easier but I know it will never be the same. Thankfully she is at peace and I know she's is with the ones she loved and who raised her to be the woman she became and was the day I met her.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE, reading your blogs makes me have the small desire to one day procreate a bebe of my own, so thank you! I enjoy your stories, your pictures and all the funny things you share each day. (And yes, FUR babies are apart of this as well).

oxoxo

Update: I wanted to add two more pictures of my mother that I actually did have scanned on my work computer. This first one is my all time favorite image of my mother. She was 19 years old and it was the day she married my father. They were young and both so beautiful/handsome. Their marriage lasted 32 years they had divorced when I was 19. But still the images from this day showed how much they loved each other in that moment.

My Mother on her Wedding Day • She was 19

Lastly this image was taken in 1993/1994. I was a senior in high school and the captain of our schools Pom Pon Squad (dance squad). I had just won third place captain at our competition and our team won third or fourth place (I can't remember). This was a huge deal to all of us since our team never placed at a competition until the year I was captain - yes, I'm tooting my own horn. TOOT! TOOT!

Me and Mom Circa 1993/1994

NO I was a dancer NOT a cheerleader.

Although I did earn the award from my team 

that season for being the Most Spirited! 

Her sweatshirt read my school's name and POMS on the front and the back read KELLY'S MOM. I remember her being so supportive of me and all I did growing up. Our team also won the Spirit award a few times that year. At the competition the school with the loudest and most supportive crowd would win the spirit award for that afternoon. We started to fill the stands with cardboard cut outs of cartoon characters with sayings on them about how great my HS was. It was really cute and took her, myself and my teammates a lot of time to make the banners and the characters. It all paid off in the end we won the Spirit Award at least two times that year. YAY! My mom was so talented and I owe all my artistic ability to her. My father is very organized and does a lot of technical drawing in his line of work and loves landscaping and building - I think I get my interior design and landscape love from him.

remembering a dream.

Today we remember, in my opinion, one of the greatest figures in American history. For as long as I can remember I've looked up to Martin Luther King, Jr. He was in my eyes an amazing man, with a dream, a wish and the drive to make these dreams happen. I hate that his life was ended too soon. A lot has changed in the world since his important speech, but in many ways I feel we have a long way to go. I hope you will take time to remember your freedoms, and remember those who have fought to give you even more of a voice in our nation. Living in the South has made me realize through my own eyes all the things I read about in history books growing up in Maryland. I've been through Birmingham, Alabama and the cities of Mississippi, and those of Tennessee - I've seen locations where horrible acts have taken place and heard the stories. They break my heart knowing that nation could be filled with so much hate. It breaks my heart still to know inside many Americans these fires of hate still burn. Every time I see a Confederate flag I'm reminded of three things, the Civil War, the hate and honestly, the Dukes of Hazzard. (When I was a child I had no idea the negative symbolism that flag held - it only reminded me of my two favorite crime fighters, Bo and Luke Duke. I'd give anything to have that innocence back).  I dream of a day, much like Martin Luther King, Jr. did that we can put out these fires and become one. Martin Luther King, Jr. is one of my ultimate heroes. Who is yours?

Martin Luther King, Jr. • via google

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."2

This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,
From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.
And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.
Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.
Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.
Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.
But not only that:

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.
From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!
Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!